nothing in life is certain.

so, tonight it suddenly hit me all the changes that are taking place just now. in 7 weeks i am getting married! MARRIED! what a huge life-changing event! that also means that i will be moving out, for the first time, in a few weeks time... which is indeed about time! we were trying to choose things for our gift list over the past couple of weeks and its so hard cos we a) dont know where we'll be living or what our home will be like, or how much space we'll have; b) are not entirely sure of all the things u actually need, e.g. does anyone ever really use a slow cooker, or a george foreman grill, or a picnic basket!? c) have differing tastes and ideas of what will look nice! to be fair most stuff has been relatively easy to agree on, other than the phone (he won), an amazing vase (I won) and a picnic set which neither of us could agree on (no-one won)!

in the past few weeks i have lost my job, got a new job, been for another interview, didnt get that job, been offered another job that i dont want, and find myself back at my original job where i started out all those years ago! which has been great, for now. but what is going to happen in the future? nothing is ever certain. i've recently become addicted to watching Grey's Anatomy and have observed that no-one in that hospital ever expected to be there. who ever expects to get sick? or to need surgery? or to have your boyfriend's wife show up (thankfully i am still referring to the show!).

i have no idea what the future holds. i have ideas based on all the plans and decisions i have made. but things keep changing, making me very aware of the fact that because nothing in life is certain it's important not to miss opportunities. and not to put all our hopes in one person, or one job, or one single event.

Present day Persecution

tonite at Deeper (at St Silas) the focus was on persecution, and the ways in which Christians in the UK have been subject to this, despite it being a free country here. A lot of it is indirect, jokes, sneers, comments from people, nothing too drastic compared to the suffering undergone in a number of other countries and cultures. Africa, Central and South East Asia, the Gulf, Latin America and the Middle East are all areas identified where Christian believers are tortured, imprisoned, abused, and killed. Where bibles are burned, families are ripped apart and people have to go into hiding and meet secretly in order to spend time with other Christians and have fellowship together.

I was inspired tonight to do some more research into the persecuted church worldwide and the various ways that we can actually provide support, encouragement and help. Open Doors is a Christian charity, originating in 1955 when Brother Andrew secretely smuggled a suitcase of Bibles into Eastern Europe. His passion and ministry grew enormously and now Open Doors work to meet the practical and spiritual needs of those living under threat of persecution, or indeed those being persecuted. There is information on how we can get involved, on a small or large scale and can be as simple as sending an email to encourage those who are suffering.

It becomes so easy to forget that not everyone has the luxury of freedom in faith, speech and actions, and i remember reading the book 'Jesus Freaks' by DC Talk when i was about 15 and feeling incredulous at the reality some Christians are facing around the world, even in our modern day and age. But the passion and total conviction these people had, their faith in God and the amazing things they had seen Him do were so inspirng and have never quite left me.

So take 10 minutes out of your week and say a prayer, or send an email, or contribute some money to pay for a bible that someone will appreciate more than we'll ever know.

"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." Matthew 25:40

oh how the tables turn

well here's a twist of irony. the honeymoon period i revelled in at work is well and truly over, and as of last week i am officially unemployed. how totally crap. this whole week i'v been trying to stay positive about it all, but now, in the harsh reality of 2 in the morning, it is just crap.

we ended on surprisingly positive terms. i'm getting a full month's pay, glowing reference and the assurance that if anything guidance-based comes up i'll be first in line for the job. the past 6 weeks have been hellish. i cried almost every day after work for the last 2 weeks and spent my evenings job hunting for a new job more suited to what i really wanted to do. which at the end of the day is to help people work out what they want to do and how they can realistically get there. what i did not want to do was to shove people into jobs for the sake of hitting a few targets, even if in my professional opinion it was not in the persons best interests. i did not want to create false information in order to claim outcomes that we had not actually achieved, or be forced to offer people false incentives to register with us so we could get their details and claim them as a target. it goes against everything i believe is true, and useful, and person-centred. so in theory i am happy to be out of there. i just hate that it was them that let me go and not the other way round. and i know that's my pride taking a hit, and i know i can deal with that. and i do know that something better will come out of this and that i'll probably look back and think, yes, what a blessing in disguise that turned out to be. but for now, in this moment, it is officially crap.

working the new work thing...

hmm, tis been a while since my last blog, i fear that i am now too busy enjoying life to blog about it quite so much! so 2 very enthusiastic thumbs up to that! it's so great being healthy and full of energy, something i took completely for granted up until about 10 minutes ago when i stopped to consider it.

i enjoy my job, at this stage probably more than the average person and amidst warnings that my honeymoon period is due to expire around christmas time where the reality of working 9-5, 5 days a week should kick in leaving me deflated and ready for returning to studentdom. i won't argue that i don't miss the student lifestyle, it certainly has its perks in the form of flexible days, self-regulated timetables (to an extent!) and plenty time for drinking coffees and waxing lyrical about all things academic, philosophical and theoretical. but there is something so satisfying about finally putting years of theory and academia into practice. each day is busy, yes. with challenges, awkward people, targets to meet and a more structured regime which begins only a few hours after most students are going to bed.

but i am so ready for this!

the battle

cancer. it destroys. it ruins. it steals.

it affects too many. it is hard to control, to tame.

it takes over. if we let it. even if we fight it, its shadow lingers.

Christ. He rebuilds. He replaces. He returns life.

He affects many. He is in control.

He can take over. if we let him. even if we fight him, his presence lingers.

the domino effect

it's interesting that we find it very easy to criticise church and different styles of music that are used during the 'worship time'. tonite doug came and spoke at our new group for 18-30's about music and the impact it's had on his life. it was a real eye opener and it struck me the ways in which music can be used positively and negatively. the Apologetix are a band who take secular songs and change the lyrics to christian based ones, and whilst my jury remains out on them for now, it was strange to hear Papa Roach's 'Last Resort' with the new lyrics of "Plug my life into Jesus – this gets my life restored".

if God gave us the gift of music then do we have to write songs about him specifically to glorify him, or is it enough to use our musical talents to produce the best songs we can about whatever is real to us, whether it be relationships, events, God, etc? if we are to honour God and point others to God in all we do this should include our attitudes, behaviour, language, body language and thoughts. therefore should all music produced by christians point to God blatantly? it's an area that some artists seem torn over... being a christian in a band, or being a 'christian band'. there's a distinct difference, and some watery lines between the two emerge on a regular basis. last year i was into a band who branded themselves as a christian band but actually, none of their lyrics made mention of God, Jesus and other key aspects of the christian faith. this surprised me. their music was based on relationships gone wrong, relationships gone right, yet maybe they haven't missed the point because relationships are key to what christianity is all about.

it comes back to the basic call to love God and love others. to be in relationship with God and relationship with others. interesting point made by Rob Bell in his book, 'Velvet Elvis' that nowhere in the bible does it say that we have to have a relationship with God. it's something that's inferred from what we know of God's character and the way he relates (key word there!) to His people.

so how did i get here?? i guess that it goes full circle. we write or sing about what we know. relationships are what we know- everyone is in a relationship with someone. they're funny things that change and develop and change us in the process. they can be positive or negative, or both. either way, they are a huge, unmissable part of life. pouring out into songs is a creative outlet. so whether songs are written to God, about God or have no mention of God, if we know him then what we write about, or our perspective, will be affected, perhaps without us even realising it!

i dont know if i reached any conclusions on that... i keep coming up with different ideas that aren't directly related to my previous ones!

would you notice it missing??

today i received a letter from my sponsor child in El Salvador!! it's so cute, he draws me little pictures, this time of his house (made of green aluminium and tin), some trees and a little flower that unfolds in a cool way and has a secret message hidden inside!! it takes a couple months for letters to be translated and delivered which means that we need to send christmas cards now! thankfully shops like wesley owen and marks and spencers are slightly insane and have already started displaying christmas stock, a process which distressed me no end when working in Wesley's since it was still the summer!!!

so if u are looking for a great way of spending a tiny amount of your monthly income/ student loan, sign up with Compassion and support a child! The money you send will support and pay for all the neccessities your child should have, including education, health care, food, clothes, vocational training, social and emotional care and spiritual care too!

And it's not just about sending money each month! Compassion encourages you to build a relationship with your sponsor child through writing letters/emails which are translated! it's such an encouragement to hear from the child who is actually benefitting from your sponsorship because you really get to see the difference being part of the Compassion programme makes to their lives!! plus, you get really cute pictures of them- last year wee Erick sent a photo holding a toy car and wearing new shoes that like, a fiver i sent had bought him!

it's amazing, the price of a night out can make such an impact on someone else's life.

sick and tired of always being sick and tired

well, it has indeed been a while since i last blogged here! since having found myspace i have been chattering away there and admit i have neglected my fans here- apologies faithful readers! having an awful lot of time on my hands these days has not really inspired much blog-worthy material- being in the house all day does wonders for killing off brain cells and de-motivating you to complete any useful tasks!

since the beginning of august i have been signed off work and been very ill. it all began with labyrinthitis, a delightful inner ear viral infection that makes you dizzy, nauseous, exhausted and comes complete with vertigo and sore ears!! this developed into post-viral fatigue, and as the name suggests, causes complete fatigue after a virus. it's a very frustrating thing to have- the symptoms are not visible and it takes some effort trying to explain to people that it's more than feeling tired. i have never, in all my days, felt this exhausted. it drains you in every possible way. going out for a few hours becomes a major ordeal, resulting in the need to have at least a full day to recover. at night you can't sleep and wake at all hours. long, frustrated days are spent lying in bed or on the couch, too tired to read anything that involves much concentration. meeting someone for coffee becomes a huge effort and excitement!

i am beginning to feel a little better, but it is a long slow process that does not have a cure. my brother had ME (post viral fatigue that lasts more than 6 months!) for a number of years when he was in his early teens and his recovery began when he started seeing a nutritionist and dietician who was able to put him on a de-tox programme to help his body have the best chance of recovering. it totally worked, so i have now gone to the same nutritionist and have started a de-tox!! the first week was the hardest as i have to cut out sugar, wheat, caffeine and dairy from my diet!! i love the natural treatment in the programme- i am now taking 12 different forms of vitamins and mineral supplements to detox the liver, increase energy and provide the body with all the things it needs!! it's not easy and one of the supplements is flor-essence, a totally rank tea that has to be boiled in a pan and filtered, and contains ingredients including: slippery elm bark, Burdock root, sheep sorrel herb, watercress herb and Turkish rhubarb root!!! it smells like compost and i have to drink it later!!

so we shall see how it goes...
( i also can't seem to insert any pictures, they're just refusing to appear, hmmm!)

Shadow of the Wind (*post 100*)!

in honour of this 100th post i will share my recent pleasure captured within the pages of 'The Shadow of the Wind'. this quickly became a beautiful refuge and distraction from feeling under the weather as i was transported back to early 1900's Barcelona. the story takes us through the life of a boy Daniel, whose father took him to the 'Cemetery of forgotten books', a labryinthine library where his journey began. it is such a compelling read, beautifully written and very hard to put down. Carlos Ruiz Zafon has outdone himself in this book, despite it being his first novel. It was originally written in Catalan (Spanish/ French) and retains the original beauty of the language throughout its pages. it's such a magical and poetic read, i loved it and wished it wouldn't end!

crazy little thing called love...

I am engaged! to Chris! since wednesday 26th june at approx. 1700 hours!!

once i arrived back from the states we drove down to Troon beach, where it was beautiful and sunny, altho a little chilly compared to 120 degrees i had become accustomed to! and after some luvly chat he asked if i would marry him!! of course i said.. "oh my goodness, oh my goodness"! and then yes!

so i am now a fiancee! and have a fiance! we're planning the wedding for early next summer and i have now been launched into the world of wedding planning! it's a fun place to be, slightly chaotic, and white, but i love it!