oh how the tables turn

well here's a twist of irony. the honeymoon period i revelled in at work is well and truly over, and as of last week i am officially unemployed. how totally crap. this whole week i'v been trying to stay positive about it all, but now, in the harsh reality of 2 in the morning, it is just crap.

we ended on surprisingly positive terms. i'm getting a full month's pay, glowing reference and the assurance that if anything guidance-based comes up i'll be first in line for the job. the past 6 weeks have been hellish. i cried almost every day after work for the last 2 weeks and spent my evenings job hunting for a new job more suited to what i really wanted to do. which at the end of the day is to help people work out what they want to do and how they can realistically get there. what i did not want to do was to shove people into jobs for the sake of hitting a few targets, even if in my professional opinion it was not in the persons best interests. i did not want to create false information in order to claim outcomes that we had not actually achieved, or be forced to offer people false incentives to register with us so we could get their details and claim them as a target. it goes against everything i believe is true, and useful, and person-centred. so in theory i am happy to be out of there. i just hate that it was them that let me go and not the other way round. and i know that's my pride taking a hit, and i know i can deal with that. and i do know that something better will come out of this and that i'll probably look back and think, yes, what a blessing in disguise that turned out to be. but for now, in this moment, it is officially crap.