working the new work thing...

hmm, tis been a while since my last blog, i fear that i am now too busy enjoying life to blog about it quite so much! so 2 very enthusiastic thumbs up to that! it's so great being healthy and full of energy, something i took completely for granted up until about 10 minutes ago when i stopped to consider it.

i enjoy my job, at this stage probably more than the average person and amidst warnings that my honeymoon period is due to expire around christmas time where the reality of working 9-5, 5 days a week should kick in leaving me deflated and ready for returning to studentdom. i won't argue that i don't miss the student lifestyle, it certainly has its perks in the form of flexible days, self-regulated timetables (to an extent!) and plenty time for drinking coffees and waxing lyrical about all things academic, philosophical and theoretical. but there is something so satisfying about finally putting years of theory and academia into practice. each day is busy, yes. with challenges, awkward people, targets to meet and a more structured regime which begins only a few hours after most students are going to bed.

but i am so ready for this!

the battle

cancer. it destroys. it ruins. it steals.

it affects too many. it is hard to control, to tame.

it takes over. if we let it. even if we fight it, its shadow lingers.

Christ. He rebuilds. He replaces. He returns life.

He affects many. He is in control.

He can take over. if we let him. even if we fight him, his presence lingers.

the domino effect

it's interesting that we find it very easy to criticise church and different styles of music that are used during the 'worship time'. tonite doug came and spoke at our new group for 18-30's about music and the impact it's had on his life. it was a real eye opener and it struck me the ways in which music can be used positively and negatively. the Apologetix are a band who take secular songs and change the lyrics to christian based ones, and whilst my jury remains out on them for now, it was strange to hear Papa Roach's 'Last Resort' with the new lyrics of "Plug my life into Jesus – this gets my life restored".

if God gave us the gift of music then do we have to write songs about him specifically to glorify him, or is it enough to use our musical talents to produce the best songs we can about whatever is real to us, whether it be relationships, events, God, etc? if we are to honour God and point others to God in all we do this should include our attitudes, behaviour, language, body language and thoughts. therefore should all music produced by christians point to God blatantly? it's an area that some artists seem torn over... being a christian in a band, or being a 'christian band'. there's a distinct difference, and some watery lines between the two emerge on a regular basis. last year i was into a band who branded themselves as a christian band but actually, none of their lyrics made mention of God, Jesus and other key aspects of the christian faith. this surprised me. their music was based on relationships gone wrong, relationships gone right, yet maybe they haven't missed the point because relationships are key to what christianity is all about.

it comes back to the basic call to love God and love others. to be in relationship with God and relationship with others. interesting point made by Rob Bell in his book, 'Velvet Elvis' that nowhere in the bible does it say that we have to have a relationship with God. it's something that's inferred from what we know of God's character and the way he relates (key word there!) to His people.

so how did i get here?? i guess that it goes full circle. we write or sing about what we know. relationships are what we know- everyone is in a relationship with someone. they're funny things that change and develop and change us in the process. they can be positive or negative, or both. either way, they are a huge, unmissable part of life. pouring out into songs is a creative outlet. so whether songs are written to God, about God or have no mention of God, if we know him then what we write about, or our perspective, will be affected, perhaps without us even realising it!

i dont know if i reached any conclusions on that... i keep coming up with different ideas that aren't directly related to my previous ones!

would you notice it missing??

today i received a letter from my sponsor child in El Salvador!! it's so cute, he draws me little pictures, this time of his house (made of green aluminium and tin), some trees and a little flower that unfolds in a cool way and has a secret message hidden inside!! it takes a couple months for letters to be translated and delivered which means that we need to send christmas cards now! thankfully shops like wesley owen and marks and spencers are slightly insane and have already started displaying christmas stock, a process which distressed me no end when working in Wesley's since it was still the summer!!!

so if u are looking for a great way of spending a tiny amount of your monthly income/ student loan, sign up with Compassion and support a child! The money you send will support and pay for all the neccessities your child should have, including education, health care, food, clothes, vocational training, social and emotional care and spiritual care too!

And it's not just about sending money each month! Compassion encourages you to build a relationship with your sponsor child through writing letters/emails which are translated! it's such an encouragement to hear from the child who is actually benefitting from your sponsorship because you really get to see the difference being part of the Compassion programme makes to their lives!! plus, you get really cute pictures of them- last year wee Erick sent a photo holding a toy car and wearing new shoes that like, a fiver i sent had bought him!

it's amazing, the price of a night out can make such an impact on someone else's life.

sick and tired of always being sick and tired

well, it has indeed been a while since i last blogged here! since having found myspace i have been chattering away there and admit i have neglected my fans here- apologies faithful readers! having an awful lot of time on my hands these days has not really inspired much blog-worthy material- being in the house all day does wonders for killing off brain cells and de-motivating you to complete any useful tasks!

since the beginning of august i have been signed off work and been very ill. it all began with labyrinthitis, a delightful inner ear viral infection that makes you dizzy, nauseous, exhausted and comes complete with vertigo and sore ears!! this developed into post-viral fatigue, and as the name suggests, causes complete fatigue after a virus. it's a very frustrating thing to have- the symptoms are not visible and it takes some effort trying to explain to people that it's more than feeling tired. i have never, in all my days, felt this exhausted. it drains you in every possible way. going out for a few hours becomes a major ordeal, resulting in the need to have at least a full day to recover. at night you can't sleep and wake at all hours. long, frustrated days are spent lying in bed or on the couch, too tired to read anything that involves much concentration. meeting someone for coffee becomes a huge effort and excitement!

i am beginning to feel a little better, but it is a long slow process that does not have a cure. my brother had ME (post viral fatigue that lasts more than 6 months!) for a number of years when he was in his early teens and his recovery began when he started seeing a nutritionist and dietician who was able to put him on a de-tox programme to help his body have the best chance of recovering. it totally worked, so i have now gone to the same nutritionist and have started a de-tox!! the first week was the hardest as i have to cut out sugar, wheat, caffeine and dairy from my diet!! i love the natural treatment in the programme- i am now taking 12 different forms of vitamins and mineral supplements to detox the liver, increase energy and provide the body with all the things it needs!! it's not easy and one of the supplements is flor-essence, a totally rank tea that has to be boiled in a pan and filtered, and contains ingredients including: slippery elm bark, Burdock root, sheep sorrel herb, watercress herb and Turkish rhubarb root!!! it smells like compost and i have to drink it later!!

so we shall see how it goes...
( i also can't seem to insert any pictures, they're just refusing to appear, hmmm!)

Shadow of the Wind (*post 100*)!

in honour of this 100th post i will share my recent pleasure captured within the pages of 'The Shadow of the Wind'. this quickly became a beautiful refuge and distraction from feeling under the weather as i was transported back to early 1900's Barcelona. the story takes us through the life of a boy Daniel, whose father took him to the 'Cemetery of forgotten books', a labryinthine library where his journey began. it is such a compelling read, beautifully written and very hard to put down. Carlos Ruiz Zafon has outdone himself in this book, despite it being his first novel. It was originally written in Catalan (Spanish/ French) and retains the original beauty of the language throughout its pages. it's such a magical and poetic read, i loved it and wished it wouldn't end!

crazy little thing called love...

I am engaged! to Chris! since wednesday 26th june at approx. 1700 hours!!

once i arrived back from the states we drove down to Troon beach, where it was beautiful and sunny, altho a little chilly compared to 120 degrees i had become accustomed to! and after some luvly chat he asked if i would marry him!! of course i said.. "oh my goodness, oh my goodness"! and then yes!

so i am now a fiancee! and have a fiance! we're planning the wedding for early next summer and i have now been launched into the world of wedding planning! it's a fun place to be, slightly chaotic, and white, but i love it!

our LA missions trip in a very detailed nutshell!!

now into week 3 of my time in US of A which has so far been brilliant! i love that even though it wasn't in my plans to come here this summer it was clearly in God's, and He has been so faithful throughout everything! today is a bit of a relaxing one before speaking at another youth group tonite- since i landed a couple weeks ago it's been non-stop so it's nice to have no real plans! i have met so many amazing people, and made some really good friends here- i love how u can travel thousands of miles away from home and still find people u totally connect with.

last week i was on the music ministry trip, with 3 other leaders and 10 teenagers from Desert Hills, Phoenix. somehow i'm finding it hard to really explain all that went on-we had an incredible time, with a lot of challenges, and a lot of great things happen. the kids are brilliant, each and every one, and i already miss not being with them! we had a band with steve on bass, tom/ jess on drums, gonzo on guitar, and me and erin singing. it was a lot of fun and the guys worked hard at the songs and sounded brilliant. we led worship at some youth groups and played some outreach gigs too, incl. a water/ theme park! there was a drama involving beth the theif, julianna the slut, ashley the addict, erin the gossip and charlie/ brian as jesus. it was really powerful and spoke to a lot of people. americans are generally very open with their feelings/ opinions and so we actually got some pretty encouraging feedback which i hope the kids hold onto and know they really did make a difference. there was also a dance which allie and carly choreographed themselves- it was really good and added a new dimension to our programme! beth also learned sign language and signed along to a song which was so beautiful, and again another way to communicate with people God's love.

the theme of the week was based around the story of the prodigal son, and we had a few common verses or ideas that kept popping up!

• proverbs 3; 5-6- "Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do and he will direct your paths." one of the guys spotted someone at disneyland with the verse tattooed on their arm, and none of us could remember what it was (terrible i know!!) then in our devotions time God put this verse in my mind, and all of a sudden it clicked and we were like, oh yeah!
• philippians 4:13- " I can do all things through God who gives me the strength i need." this was mentioned at a couple of our group times, and at the Los Angeles Mission we were each given a bracelet with this verse on it!

we had a plan for the week, but as so often happens, our plans are not exactly the same as God's, and so there were a number of challenges and changes that occurred! here's a wuick rundown of the week:

DAY 1- SATURDAY

we spent the whole day driving from Phoenix, Arizona to Los Angeles, California!! the drive was fun and i was kept entertained by the guys in dick's van!! we checked into our motel, had some fast-food (yuck, i feel like its all i ate all week!), a team time and some fun chat!

DAY 2- SUNDAY

we drove to Lakewood for 9am and spent the first hour or so in their morning service. the preacher was great and very encouraging! our team then led the youth group service- it was our first time and not highly polished but that was ok because i think it motivated everyone to work hard in their role and become more committed to what we were doing. it went really well and we got Krsipy Kreme donuts too! we spent the afternoon there, rehearsing thru our programme, the girls choreographing their dance, and the band learning some more new songs, incl. dick's rockabilly/ gospel ones! i struggled singing them initially but once i got into the swing of things it was fun!!

DAY 3- MONDAY

our van broke down! we had travelled in a minubus and dick's van, and the ignition switch in the van was dead. we were supposed to be doing outreach at the water park, but couldn't get everything and everyone there so our plans changed and we spent the day at disneyland which was right next to where we were staying! thsi was supposed to happen on thurs as a day off for everyone, but i think it worked out better this way as it gave us all a chance to get to know each other and bond as a group! it was such a fun day- i was with allie, carly, steve, tom and gonzo, who are hilarious! they made me laugh all day and they had fun mocking my accent and finding out about scotland! space mountain was the best, we went on it twice! charlie also arrived and met us at disneyland so our team was complete.

DAY 4- TUESDAY

we set off at 7:30 am for the Los Angeles Mission, situated in downtown LA. the area is very poor, run down and there were so many homeless people sleeping on the streets as we arrived. it was a real eye opening day- we were volunteering at the mission and working alongside the other staff and the students on the rehabilitation programme. the work that goes on their is incredible and a real example of serving the community and living as Christ calls us to. we were broken into smaller groups and given different tasks- me, erin, allie and jess were working in the laundry and clothes sorting area where we spent a couple of hours sorting through all the donated clothes and sorting underwear into the correct sizes. as we worked we chatted with Elsa, a student on the prog who is such an amazing person. she has had such a hard life and told us her story of how she began taking mild drugs and how it led her down the worst path- she became a crack addict, a dealer and after getting shot in the leg she realised she had to change. the programme at the missions is intense, involving a 13 month rehabilitation where all rights are basically taken away to give them the best possible chance of recovery. the success rate is very high and as we walked down a corridor i was so overcome to see the 'graduates' of the prog in their year photos, dating back over 20 years. please pray for the work of the LA mission, there;s so much more they do incl. providing a bed, food, showers, clothes, etc for over 180 people every nite. we ate lunch in the hall with some of the other students, and it was just such an amazing time. God is so busy transforming the lives of thousands of people and so often we don;t even think of what goes on outside of our own world.

the afternoon was spent at the Hollywood Urban Project, based in another part of LA, right next to Paramount Studios. Again the area was pretty run down and there are a lot of problems with gangs, drugs, shootings, and graffitti on absolutely everything (some of it was pretty impressive, but the gangs each have their own 'tag' and we learned of the different types of tagging and how locals are forced into one or other of the gangs). HUP do a lot of outreach and are based in the centre of the neighbourhood- they take on year long volunteers but at the moment there is just Sam running everything. they are about to merge with another organisation so they can acccomplish more together, so please pray for the merge and the continuing work and witness of these volunteers.

DAY 5- WEDNESDAY

today we travelled over to Whittier community church and spent time meeting with the youth there and practising through our programme. in the evening we ran the service, and it was a lot of fun- most of the youth workers/ pastors we'v met have been in their twenties and very lively, so the evening was entertaining as well as really meaningful! they played this game ' how well do u kn0w ur bible' where each leader picks a kid to answer a bible related question- if the kid gets it wrong the leader is shot in the arm with this little air gun thing! actually, when i explain it back there it doesnt sound so fun, but it was at the time! God really spoke to a number of people that nite, again on the prodigal son theme, and i think that for our kids, even tho they'd heard the message a number of times before, they seem to 'get' new things from it each time. we had a really open small group time with our girls and God was really working in them too.

altho we were there on a ministry/ outreach tour, the main ways God worked was perhaps in the kids themselves, as they were challenged, stretched and not all of them are strong christians so it was interesting and encouraging to see the changes in them throughout the week.

on the way back from Whittier we stopped at Denny's and a couple of the guys were messing around. one choked the other (to see what would happen) who passed out and cracked his head open on the floor. they had run on ahead into denny's and i got there just in time to see it happen. it was so scary, i got such a fright to see him lying there unconscious with so much blood pouring from his head but one of the customers called 911 and i sat there with him until the ambulance arrived. he needed 6 stitches and is fine now, but it was horrible at the time, and interesting to see the ways it impacted on the group. a number of the girls were really upset and got a real fright seeing their friend like that. we had a really open time of sharing the following nite with the girls and i think God used that whole episode in allowing them to share their reactions which were related to other difficult situations some of them are trying to deal with. please pray for the kids who came on the trip, that God would really speak to them and be real to them in their every day lives, as they go back to school and as they deal with all the things that being a teenager involves.

DAY 6- THURSDAY

after an abundance of phonecalls Brain managed to reshedule our day of outreach at the waterpark, Pharoah's Lost Kingdom. we drove there early, unloaded all the equipment and started setting up on this massive stage next to the food court and the entrance. it was burning hot sun with no shelter so everyone was roasting! we set up, plugged in, turned the system on... and got nothing! our sound board was blown! dick and brian spent a couple of hours trying to fix it, and trying to hook it all up to a sound board the park found (which was from the 70's and not responding either!) while we killed some time in the water park itself! the flumes were fun, especially the black one which u go on in a double/triple inflatable ring! we spent some time praying that God would fix it, and not long after that, he did!!! it was so great, and we then spent the next couple of hours running thru our programme, performing on stage and sharing the gospel with people who were passing by! we weren't playing to a massive crowd or anything but everyone who came or left the park, or bought some food or drink, heard and saw what we were doing, and it wasn't til afterwards we really appreciated the way God used us! a number of folk spoke to our team and said how that was just what they needed to hear or that they had been encouraged, etc! especially one man who was about to leave for Iraq with the army. it was a great time. we then all went on the bumper boats, which have water guns on them (stupidly i didnt realise and had my skirt on, which got completely soaked!!! but the sun is so hot it dried really fast!)

DAY 7- FRIDAY

once again, we had a change of plan! today we were going to travel 4 hours back toward Phoenix but going to Lake Havasu to run an outreach event with a group there, and stay in people's homes. however, the temp. is at an all-time high at the moment, and at Lake Havasu it was 122 degrees! i cant even imagine how hot that is, altho we had 116 the other day! so we prayed and had a number of options. we ended up driving back to phoenix and in the evening we ran our programme for all the parents of the kids on the trip! it wasn't what we had planned, but it actually was maybe the best thing as it gave the kids a chance to show their parents exactly what they'd been doing. not all the parents are christians so it was a great opportunity to share God with them, especially as it came from their own kids! we then stayed over at the church on our final night, and had some hilarious times! we played some crazy games, rocked out to some heavy music, and made a movie which is amazing, if i do say so myself! altho it's probably one of these things where we all find it the funniest thing we'v ever done and no one else gets it! no matter, it's for us anyway! steve also got stuck in the guys bathroom- the handle just completely broke and we couldnt get the door open, so gonzo got a ladder, lifted the ceiling panels out of the girls loo and hauled steve over the roof!!! erin and i could not stop laughing! we then all watched a movie which was really sad at the end, i cant remember the name but keanu reeves was in it as a baseball coach for some inner city kids, and at the end 1 of them gets shot! we were sleeping in the youth building, which has a yucky scratchy carpet and was freezing due to someone turning the thermostat way down! i had no blanket/ pillow/ sleeping bag and got about half an hours sleep all night! at about 20 to 8 gonzo woke and was like, oh there's a spare sleeping bag here- arrrrggghhhh!!! so for the next hour i was cosy and asleep! in the morning we watched our movie, ate donuts for breakfast and had a final team de-brief! i felt so sad, having to say goodbye to them all. i'll hopefully catch a few next sunday at church but a number of them are going away this week so i won't see them again :(

so all in all we had an amazing week! i just wanted to get all this down while it's still fresh in my mind, not even for people to read but so i can have it all here to come back to! i'v been trying to keep a journal but its easier to type it all out!

wow!

a speedy wee blog to update on current events in the life of me!

1- Shop with a mission fundraiser was an amazing success!!! u HUGE thanx to lorna, kirsteen, laura, carole and colleen for all the help in pulling it off, and to everyone who bought a ticket and came along!!! the grand total raised was £321.72!!!! i am amazed and astounded at how generous people were and how God completely provided through this event!!

2- on 6th June my savings account had a total of £ 10.60 in it, and as u could perhaps tell from my blogging escapades i had no idea (not one!) as to how to fund this trip!! someone told me that when God calls us to do something, He also calls the resources, and i have been so excited to see the ways He has been faithful in doing this!! i fly off in less than 48 hours and my new savings account balance is... £1003!! wowowowowow!!!! i am once again astounded and amazed at how God has completely provided everything!!! see, He who has called us will be faithful...

3- i love my job! i'm actually quite sad to be leaving it so soon as i'm really getting into it and am keen to get the project underway! there are so many folk who just need a bit of motivation and encouragament to tackle barriers they have to progressing in life, and i can't wait to help in whatever way i can!!

oops, must rush off, will blog again soon!!

My mission trip & Fundraiser!

(this is the wee flyer i made with information, if u are interested to find out more about my trip!)

Over the past few months God has been really challenging
my whole concept of ‘mission’ work, and what it means to serve him and tell others about Him. For the past few years I have been praying about going on a mission trip and having just recently completed my postgraduate degree (hurrah!) have sensed God’s timing and definite calling to take a big leap of faith!

In April this year a team from the USA worked with us in what was a very exciting outreach week for the young people in Newton Mearns: running music workshops (for 35 local young people), playing gigs, building relationships and sharing our faith with many people in & around Glasgow. As a result we now have 6 successful new youth bands meeting regularly at the church, and exciting prospects for developing this further.

As some of you may know, my passions in life revolve around music, people and travel (and obviously, God!). Having envisioned my ‘mission’ trip involving a 3rd world country, extensive social deprivation and a lot of dirt, I must admit I wasn’t entirely comfortable when I felt God calling me to the USA!! However, I believe God has given me these passions and gifts in order for me to use them for Him, so it is with excitement that on 1st July I am flying out to Phoenix, Arizona to spend almost a month working with Desert Hills Presbyterian Church and Dick Dietrich who brought the team over in April!

Some of the things I will be doing include:
· Being a team leader on a music ministry outreach tour with a group of 20 teenagers, playing gigs and travelling from Phoenix to Los Angeles!
· Helping run a vocational bible school for native American Indians in the local community
· Speaking at a variety of youth events/ young adult groups
· Visiting and helping lead worship at a number of contemporary services
· Meeting and sharing information with the church group visiting us again in October (including their minister Jim Noble), to continue developing a partnership with them

It is such an amazing opportunity and I am excited to see all that God will do. I would ask throughout this time for your support in prayer, as there will be many opportunities for people to hear the gospel, and many challenges which will undoubtedly arise. If you would like to support me financially it would also be much appreciated- please just get in touch, or send any cheques to Maxwell Mearns Castle Church, Waterfoot Rd. Newton Mearns, Glasgow, and mark them for me!

With many thanks and blessings, Lynz xox

And remember to come to what will be a most excellent fundraising evening:

SHOP WITH A MISSION!
CLOTHES, BAGS & ACCESSORIES for sale
LIVE MUSIC, DRINKS & LIGHT BUFFET
ALL FOR £3.50
To raise funds for Lyndsay Camerons overseas mission trip
WEDNESDAY 28TH JUNE, 7:45pm
Basement @Maxwell Mearns Castle ChurchWaterfoot Rd. Newton Mearns
(WISH YOU WEAR HERE!!!)

i am now officially a young professional!

i started my new job on monday and actually *love* it! everyone is really nice, and because i'm the first of the new recruits to start i got to choose my desk! so i now have a job, a desk, a computer, some post-it's and a pen, which sits in my drawer filling the gaping space!
this morning was a very interesting Employment Law seminar, which began with bacon rolls and pastries to go with the tea, coffee and bottled water! i learned a lot, so don't ever try and harrass me at work! or out of work for that matter! i won't start my client caseload until i'm back from the sunny states, but i'm chomping at the bit to get going! the induction is excellent, and involves meeting with people from each project and dept over the next few weeks! already i'm feeling exhausted, but it's a total change, in that my student lifestyle does not compliment the young professional lifestyle i now have!! yes, i can now click my heels across the office floor, with my pen tucked into my bun and my briefcase at my side... well, not exactly! but it's good!
off to Arizona in a mere 10 days! how exciting! it hasn't quite sunk in yet, altho i'v been hearing the temp. is averaging at 110 degrees, and dropping to a cool 80 or 90 in the evenings!! meh! i have my suncream already, courtesy of my luvly man, but i think i'm going to need some shorts, altho i don't like them! maybe some new skirts... shopping anyone!?
speaking of shopping, come and SHOP WITH A MISSION! GO ON, DO IT! it's going to be a great nite, and i started going thru all my clothes and bags the other day and hadn't realised i had quite so much nice stuff, barely worn or still with tags!!
there's loads, so please come and buy it all from me! if u do i'll provide u with a buffet, drinks and live music from me and mark, and also from Jenny Purse! and it's only £3.50 for all that, wow!!

SHOP WITH A MISSION!
CLOTHES, BAGS & ACCESSORIES for sale
LIVE MUSIC, DRINKS & LIGHT BUFFET
FOR £3.50

To raise funds for Lyndsay Camerons overseas mission trip

WEDNESDAY 28TH JUNE, 7:45pm
Basement @Maxwell Mearns Castle Church
Waterfoot Rd. Newton Mearns

(WISH YOU WEAR HERE!!)

truth at the core

tonite i was workin the bookstall at an event where Josh McDowell and Roy Crowne (YFC) were speaking. it was really interesting, the main message being that a child's relationship with their father has the most significant impact on how they turn out. they had a lot of statistics, many of which surprised me, incl. a scientific study which found the most significant predictor of 5 diseases was the person's lack of closeness to their parents - it related to stress and the findings that those who had a close and secure relationship coped much better with stress, which in turn reduced the risk of these diseases.

an interesting point made was that nowadays a lot of parents attach more value and worth to education than on their child's spiritual development and relationship with God. this is a sad reflection, perhaps not specifically of our times, but of the state of our world. there's always something more important or more pressing, that is given too much weight and can have an adverse impact on a relationship, causing it to strain and become weaker and even to end. over something which in the grand scheme of things has no great bearing on the important issues and relationships in life. like little fights over small stupid things, which build up and begin to trickle into every encounter with that person, whether its with a parent or sibling or friend or b/g friend or colleague. don't let the sun go down on your anger is a pearl of wisdom from paul there in his letter to the folk in Ephesus. (eph 4:26)

one of josh mcdowell's key points he returned to and built on was that:

our beliefs form our values, which drive our behaviour, and these initial beliefs are grounded in relationships and ultimately, truth.

Absolute, or universal, truth is that which is true beyond yourself. one of my friends at uni asked me out of the blue a few months ago if i had absolute faith. at the time i said yes without hesitating, but to really consider absolute faith in relation to absolute truth is a bit mind-boggling! tonite the meeting began with the speaker asking who could really give true reasons for their faith, why they believe the Bible to be true and the Word of God... what are we basing our beliefs on? how do we know what is real and absolute truth?

i have seen and experienced God working in my life, and the lives of others. i have prayed and seen and heard God answer. i have asked for help and guidance and received so many that i cannot call it coincidence. i have questioned and doubted 'christianity', but my doubts returned void because there is too much proof to deny the existence of God, and the resurrection and hope to be found in the person of Jesus Christ. i am now trying to help other young people ask the challenging questions and not to become comfortable with church, and God, because when we get comfortable we get lazy and complacent and we stop pursuing God with a passion and risk becoming happily settled rather than good or honest or Christ-like. Happiness and comfort have become core to who we are, rather than looking to reach others with the truth of Jesus, if it means becoming uncomfortable or doing things we don't particularly like.

grand finale!

no, not of the world cup (more's the pity as we have now to suffer weeks of football obsessed boys re-arranging their priorities and lifestyles in order to fit around the excessive schedule of 3 games a day! ever heard of too much of a ... thing!?)

anyway, today was the grand finale of my 6 years at University!! i can't quite believe it's all over! as of 12 noon today i am now a fully qualified careers adviser! we had a nice wee morning of celebrating and saying nice things to each other, all very lovely and encouraging, before hitting the pub for the afternoon! it was another beautiful sunny day and i have a nice tan from sitting out on the picnic benches! it's surreal to finally have completed my postgrad degree, this year has actually flown by and it's crazy to realise i am now ready to start a career! we don't graduate officially til november tho, but still...

..."about time", to quote a friend who also said i can now stop sponging off his taxes and start paying for his pregnant wife's maternity leave!

speaking of which, i'm going to be an aunt!! exciting congratulations to my bro matt and his fiance billie, expecting their 1st baby in december!!

oh happy day!

for i have a job!!
i can't quite believe it, but i'm so pleased! so here's what happened:

the application...

• i applied for 5 jobs, 2 of which i really wanted, on the friday
• i receive a letter on the tuesday inviting me for an interview (to the job i wanted!)
• the next day another letter arrives, for another interview (for the other job i wanted!)
• here's the catch... both interviews are at exactly the same time!
• after a small panic, i rationalise, pray and read over both job descriptions and person spec's, and realise the 1st one is definitely for me!

the interview:

• i arrive and there are 21 of us in total, all looking very smart and professional!
• we're split into 4 groups, and for the next 2 hours have team working, problem solving and individual tasks, whilst being observed and written about! (we had to protect an egg being dropped from 8 ft!)
• a buffet lunch is served, where they announce that they will only be interviewing 10 people individually, the rest will be sent home!
• after a nail/sandwich- biting hour, we are called out of the room 1 by 1, with our coats and things, to be told if we were successful to stage 2! it was so nervy, people were leaving and not coming back.... eek!
• i was called, dropped my lipgloss, then my bag, then couldnt find my coat, and finally made it to the room, to be told i was successful and would be interviewed!! yeah! and that i would be last, boo!
• a 2 hour wait ensued, including chatting to other prospective colleagues (and completely tidying the room- my nervous energy needed an outlet, so i also very geekily organised everything on the table into order of height! when on my own, i hasten to add!)
• i was called thru, managed not to drop anything this time, and had what i felt was quite a good interview, being as it was my first ever!

the wait...

• this was all on thursday! due to the holiday weekend i was told we would all be phoned on tuesday, thus spent a nervous weekend anxiously awaiting 'the call'!
• yesterday i was completely on the verge of a small breakdown after my uni ' friends' called my mobile from a 'withheld number' to wind me up! grrrrr....

the news...

• after giving myself the 'it obviously wasn't meant to be' pep-talk, the luvly project manager phoned at 4:50 pm and offered me the job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• this was quickly followed by actual screaming with pammy, some celebratory car dancing, and a round of phone calls and texts!

so i am very excited and happy! i start as a personal adviser at a company in 2 weeks! i'm so looking forward to it!

not much really

the sky is beautiful, pink and lilac and pale blue, very pretty :)

i was going to blog but i think i might go for a walk. i have a lot of work to do but my mind's not on it, i think some fresh air might help. at the moment it's like as soon as i finish one thing there's another to start, i know its only for a couple more weeks but it's knackering. i'v been listening to Keane tonite, the Hopes and Dreams album, i forgot how good it is!

Harlem Globetrotters!!

well, last nite saw the world famous Harlem Globetrotter's vs the New York Nationals at Braehead Arena! for those of u not in the know, this is basketball we're talking 'bout, yeah, slam dunk da funk!! this was Chris's birthday present, and i had high hopes after we watched a documentary film on them- they play amazing basketball, but the real secret to their success is their tricks- very impressive, and entertaining!!
We had a really fun nite, but they weren't quite what we were expecting... it was more choreographed basketball, so they could show all their tricks, and included some scripted fights and audience participation! i was a little disappointed, looking for some high-paced competition, but their tricks were great! actually, the funniest part was when their mascot, Big G (a large inflatable globe/ man in a suit!) came on and did some break-dancing moves, spinning on his head- i guess u had to be there, but i was crying with laughter!

perhaps more family fun than pure sporting entertainment, but we had a good time!

[oh, and i have another interview! but it's at the same time as the other one, so hopefully they'll let me come at a different time! how exciting tho!]

interviewer and interviewee!!

so today i did a great final assessed interview!! it's a good feeling to have another bit of the course complete!! and...

i have an interview!! it's a week on thursday with what i think is my first choice of job!! so i'm very excited, although a little apprehensive as it's my 1st proper job interview! involving group exercises, lunch and a panel interview! i'd better not fight over the last sandwich!

back to typing action research project now...

sad news

graeme, our church officer, passed away at half 1 this morning.

please pray for his family and friends, especially his wife eleanor.

sadness and a prayer request

today was dull and rainy. i ate a cookie and it did not cheer me up. there is a lot of sadness in the world, sometimes it's easy to forget but other times it's all you can think about. hurting people, sick people, troubled people- so many people. it's amazing the impact people have on one another. even if you're not that close to someone you can still feel such empathy and hurt for them. when you know that someone does not have long to live you know they will leave behind a whole world of people who care for them, and love them and will miss them incredibly. and even if you know they are going to a better place, which is a joyful thing, you can't help but feel sad.

our church officer graeme is in intensive care just now, and is not expected to live much longer. he is a wonderful man and has served in our church for years. he just overcame a long battle with cancer, and now has a critical lung infection which has left him struggling for life. please pray for him and his family, especially in the next few days.

a little bit of blog for the road...

ok, so i know some of u who read this will despair of my blogging tonite, given we chatted about using blogging as a great way to procrastinate and put off the essential tasks, that often arrive in the form of uni deadlines! [WARNING- other distractions may include alphabetising ur cd collection, or labelling and re-organising everything in ur freezer (thats a good 1, thanx R!), so if u find urself doing either of these take a long hard look at yourself!!] thus, my blog may be a little quiet this coming week, and prayers for high productiveness are more than welcome!

tonite i had the honour of meeting simon varwell! after emailing a couple of times, i finally met the man who has been church-hoppping around glasgow, searching for the church God is calling him to! i have followed his notes with interest, as i'v also visted a number of churches he's rated, and whilst not necessarily agreeing with the concept of rating churches, it has certainly provoked some interesting and entertaining feedback! so simon, it was nice to finally meet u!!

tomorrow i'm meeting my tutor and i fear i will have to confess my brilliant research project is not coming along quite so brilliantly! due in approx 8 days, it has yet to be begun- this is part lack of organisation, part having-a-nightmare-with-interviewee's, and part having so much other work to do it somehow got lodged in the 'denial' pile! so if anyone reading this knows any offenders/ ex-offender's who'v had any careers guidance whatsoever, i'd love to hear from u! by wednesday if poss!!! haha!

on a more exciting note, my mum bought me a ballgown!! she sneakily sneaked onto the internet after i had resigned myself to the fact that i cannot afford a new dress, and managed to purchase the beautiful dress i fell in love with whilst twirling in it in the changing rooms! so a huge thanx to mum!
who is currently in Romania, with a team of 6 others, working again at the baby hospital, orphanage and boys transition house! her and a friend set up a charity, Heart to Heart Scotland, last year to support the wonderful work going on there! check their website for more info. on the wonderful work they do!

alas i have run out of things to say- 'what?!' i hear u cry, 'not possible!'.
as true as that may be, instead of mindless drivel about the fact i have one finger nail painted a luvly shade of pink; bought some hot new plectrums (also pink); and took 10 mins to decide whether or not to have a bowl of ricicles and sultana's (i decided against, they'r more of a morning treat!), i will turn my mind to greater things!

sleep...

motivational speech to self!

ok, i can do this. i have 10 days... nope, 12 days until it's due. i can easily type 500 words an hour, including a wee break and some reading. more probably.

focus on the task, and don't let stupid things distract you. there is plenty of time for emailing friends and blogging after your postgrad degree is completed. do not freak out, do not panic. there is also no need to scare yourself over nothing just because you are home alone and hearing noises. it is the wind and the oldness of the house. concentrate on your work, because you can easily do this. by 11, and then you can watch desperate housewives and actually relax because you know another assignment is complete. just focus on this one essay tonight, that is all you need to do. and you know what you are talking about, so type quickly and confidently.

go lynzy go!

Most exciting things happening!!!

ok, so i know i'm supposed to be typing an essay, but life is just far too exciting for that!!

so here's the thing:i'v been totally praying about the possibility of going to the states (Arizona, Phoenix to be precise!) in the summer to do some mission work through music, involving going on a 'ministry tour' road trip, singing in different places, working with the church there and learning things to take back home to my church here! i has asked God for some confirmation either way, and He has made it abundantly clear where i have to go! in like, 6 different ways!!

1. on april 19th i prayed about it, turned over my calendar, to a picture of Arizona!

2. last week i saw my friend kirst, who appeard wearing a luvly pink hoodie with Arizona emblazoned across the front!

3. on saturday just there i prayed before going to work, turned my calendar again and there was a picture of California! (where the ministry tour is going to!)

4. this is the freakiest and most exciting so far... yesterday morning i was leading the youth prog. and so wasn't in the main church service. i got home that afternoon and saw i had 4 missed calls on my mobile.. from my mum and my voicemail, from 11:23 that morning! my mum sings in church, and i was like, why on earth was she callin me half way thru the service!? i called my voicemail, was told it was a 4 min. message, and it began to play!

(how can i explain this...) my mum's mobile was locked and zipped away in her bag in the church. it had somehow called my mobile in the middle of a set of songs, and recorded on my voicemail, everyone in church singing a song called 'I the Lord of sea and sky'! if u dont know it, the chorus of this song goes, 'Here i am Lord, is it I Lord, I have heard u calling in the night. I will go Lord, where u need me, i will hold your people in my heart'..! what is even more significant about this is that this song is special to me as it was used to send us off on the last mission trip i went on, coincidentally, to the States!! so this blew me away!

5. my mum came home and i asked her if she called me, and explained everything and she was like, eeek, no, how exciting!!! she then re-appeared 10 mins later and asked if there was a particular verse in Joshua that was meaningful for me?! i was like, ohmygoodness, why?! she said she'd been looking at the California calendar picture and realised it was of the Joshua tree, and it came to her mind that maybe God wanted to tell me something else...

guess what we'd been looking at that morning in the youth group!? Joshua 1 v1-9!! with the focus being on verse 9, which says, " I command you- be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." !!!!

wowowowowowowowowow!!! isn't that the most exciting thing ever!? i know this is a long blog, but i hope ur encouraged as u read this that God is so real and totally speaks to us today if we ask Him!! so i guess i've to go to Arizona then! this is the last thing i thought i'd be doing this summer, but i'm so excited God wants to use me doing something i love! The trip involves music, singing, young people, travelling and sharing and meeting lots of people!!

The other day at work i was speaking with Doug (who is so wise!) and he asked if it was a God-sized task! the answer is a resounding yes! at the moment i have no money, and no idea where and how to raise enough in the next 8 weeks! but i am completely trusting God with it- He's made it abundantly clear where i'v to go, and i know He'll provide a way to get there!! it's so exciting!

i'll keep u posted as to how He does it!! i hope u have a great day and feel mightily encouraged!!

What's Your Flavour?

Before i return to boring report writing i took a flavoursome personality test!!
What's Your Flavour?
These are my results! what's yours?!?!

Mmm ... peppermint! Crisp and refreshing, you're the flavour of refreshing chewing gum and elegant after-dinner mints. If you were a season, you'd be winter -- bracing and energising, but cosy, too. Your honesty and forthright personality make people feel like they've known you forever -- they can't help but be drawn to your sweet, fresh nature. Perhaps a little old-fashioned, and occasionally shy, you're generally happy and well liked. Traditional and invigorating, you're a truly tasty treat.

Haha, thank goodness for bored psychology graduates... why am i not in this line of work!?!?

tadpoles are a bit creepy...

i am tired. my course is nearing its end- only 6 weeks to go which in some ways seems ridiculously close, but the mountain of work due makes it seem like a long way away! i'v still not made any decisions about the summer, and am finding out more info at the mo! in relation to signs, i met my friend tonite and she was randomly wearing an Arizona sweatshirt! we fished in her pond and i caught 3 tadpoles on a teaspoon- i feel this deserves some sort of recognition! as i said earlier, teaspoons are small and tadpoles are wriggly!

this summer i have been invited to 4 weddings!! isn't that crazy!? and very nice! however, i will sadly have to restrict my outfit purchasing, and maybe make do with a new top that can be mixed and matched... we shall see!

i think it's funny how we so often live in a state of denial about things needing done, or dealt with- today in our counselling class our lecturer spoke about 6 faces we go thru, beginning with immobilisation, then into denial! i realised as she was speaking that i am totally in that place with regards to my research project, which is due in 2 weeks and giving me small panics every time it's mentioned! i finally faced up to reality and will have to start making phonecalls and arranging interviews tomorrow, including a focus group with some prisoners! i may be too late, but i'll put on my best phone voice and see what happens!! time for bed, i know it's relatively early for me but i'v been in a state of sleepiness since about 4 this afternoon! back to the Northern Lights- it's getting very exciting!!

wow, this is post 80!!

wow, THIS is post 80!! i must have a lot of really important things to say!! hmm...

so, tonite i finally finished 2 of the assignments for my course, with a grand word total of.... (dramatic drum rolls please!) 11032 words!! this is the most insane time of year re: sheer volume of uni work- i have another big one due next monday, a presentation to do this wednesday, and my large action research project for the 15th may, which sounds far away but really, really isn't! so i'm a little stressed! last week was so much fun, but as one of my friends pointed out, when i get involved with something i usually throw myself into it with great fervour, and manage to block out anything else!! thus resulting in the pendulum of denial and panic where i seem to be a regular guest! the upshot of that being, that, in theory, i should now throw myself into my uni work and let it consume me => extremely productive and accomplish lots!!

relatively interesting things from this week gone by...

• i quit my job at the indian! after the heated disagreement on thurs, i felt it best to part ways and not get drawn into deceiving customers and feeling morally corrupt! laura and i went together and he took it well, e.g. no yelling this time! i think we managed to make our point, in the most christian way- who knows!
• fri nite was a fun get together of loads of my friends who had all been super busy, so we had a party and it was a great laugh and chance to relax and catch up! congratulations to: craig for being accepted into teacher training; chris, for completing and handing in his dissertation; chris b for achieving his police diploma, and scott for getting thru a 3 month placement in aberdeen, away from his luvly fiance!
• one of my songs is being recorded!! 1 of my american friends, christopher, heard the tsunami song i wrote last year and has taken it back with him to USof A to record it onto his album which he is just starting on! and to play at gigs he's doin over the next month or 2!!!! i'm excited to hear how God will use it to reach people over there!
• myspace is taking over! i was so not into it at the start, but now i'v been converted! it's great- u can listen to music, blog, leave msg's for people, post photos, in a big giant community of all ur friends! i like to think blogging here is a little less exposed- i am happy in the land of pink!

with a spring in ur step, tralalala!

another luvly spring day! another chance to go to work and be helpful and friendly and cheerful! and not to get yelled at by my boss, as happened the other nite at my waitressing job! he wants us to basically lie to customers about the fact that we dont get to keep our tips, and as laura and i tried to explain we felt morally uncomfortable doing this, he told us if we dont like things his way we can get another job, "nobody's getting any of my tips"! so fairwell to the indian restaurant!

here's a picture i took of some beautiful spring flowers in edinburgh! have a happy day!

bizzy giraffes

help, i'v taken a mind blank and have no idea how to spell the word pronounced bizness!

is it:

• business
• buisness
• buisiness

the top one looks correct, but then surely that reads as busy-ness!?? the internet is no help, cos people spell words wrong on it, and they come up too...

the more i think about it, the stranger the word appears! it's like saying giraffe over and over, eventually it makes no sense as a word, and u wonder what a giraffe is anyway, and who made up such a ridiculous language!!!

seriously- look how weird a creature it is ! ->

sign or coincidence?

today my calendar had a picture of Arizona on it!

a sign or a coincidence?

and is there ever really such a thing as a coincidence ?

Northern Lights leading the way!

when we were up in Skye one of my life ambitions was fulfilled without me even trying! to see the Northern Lights, aka Aurora Borealis! when i was small i used to love reading 'Northern Lights' by Philip Pullman, i practically permanently had it out from the library (dont know why i didnt just get a copy but hey, i was young and poor!)! so yesterday chris gave me an exciting, sparkly wrapped present... any guesses what was inside!? wrong! not just 'Northern Lights' but the whole trilogy in one!! how exciting! but wait, it gets even better... inside the book was another present!!

2 tickets to the Law Society Grad Ball!!! hee! i have always wanted to go to a grad ball, but last year i didnt know anyone in my year, so i never went!! so in May i will be gettin dolled up in a hot new outfit, maybe even getting some new shoes, and going to the ball! phew, what an exciting gift! thanx chris!

plus, my quest for ultimate fitness and losing weight has not exactly gone to plan, in that i havent really started exercising yet, but i have managed to lose a stone and drop a dress size via healthy eating!! nice- here's to apples and banana's! and a ball gown in another size down!

how exciting!! (a nice long blog!)

well, i have officially stopped crying (nothing personal, i just felt it was time!) and am now very excited! the work that began last week is inspiring and real- real is the key phrase to describe the work God is doing. last week we took christian bands/ bands of christians to do gigs in a variety of bars in Glasgow, incl Firewater, Stereo and Elliott's. it was real. it wasn't intrusive evangelism; we weren't trying to get people to come into 'church' where things are unfamiliar and often not overtly friendly; we didn't preach or read scripture or proclaim the message of salvation from a pulpit. we played some gigs, shared our passion for music, and chatted to the punters.
and from that stemmed the opportunity to share our faith, and beliefs and love for God, who for many is as far from their minds as counting how many sheets of toilet paper are on a roll! traditional evangelism... thankfully not! but God used us to reach out to people and some of the conversations had were challenging, inspiring and beautiful. my dad had the opportunity to pray for a complete stranger in the middle of Glasgow city centre, on a thursday night, as bars were emptying and God was moving.

i have been challenged on my whole concept of 'mission work' and what it means. i think so often its easy to limit our ideas to working with children or in orphanages or building wells and houses in foreign countries. all extremely worthwhile work, which can considerably impact many, but not the only way. God has called us to 'go and make disciples of all nations'; to love Him and love others. let's think outside the box...

the nite i was challenged on my dreams and future, kenny borthwick set us an interesting notion. that instead of having churches and ministries where we focus on filling gaps, and finding people to do the job, often by squeezing them into a mold someone else has formed and left, we need to build churches and ministries based on people's gifts and dreams.

what are the things you are passionate about? what excites and motivates you? what are you gifted at doing?

for me it is music- singing, songwriting, learning.
also people, particularly those in their teens and 20's.
and communicating- writing, talking, listening, sharing.

so what is so weird about a missions trip that involves all of these things. of serving God here using these passions. is it because it sounds like too much fun? it doesnt sound dirty enough to be a proper mission trip? it involves everything i love doing... it just seems to be too... ideal. well why not. God has given us these passions and gifts and desires for a very good reason! because at the end of the day, it's all about Him! and all He has given and done for us. even when life seems unfair and unjust and dismal, and we question him, and doubt him and reject him, he still loves us. and has still given His life, so that we can have life! isn't that enough?

more than. yet how easy it is to complain and ignore him, and blame him when things are difficult and heartbreaking. He feels our pain, and knows our heartbreak, and has his own heart broken over and over as people turn away and reject him. but he still perseveres and will never give up on us. so the least i can do is live my life for him! and make use of what he has given me- really it would be rude not to!!

i have just been offered the opportunity to go to America this summer, and be involved in a missions trip that is based around music; people in their teens and 20's; building relationships, and doing outreach!!! it's all a bit new, but already i'm excited at the prospect! if u like, please pray I would be wise and listen to God's voice in this! it screams a huge YES, i just want to be 100% sure! i'm currently 98% there, but some more confirmation would be just peachy!

what's your dream?

a sad day today! :(

this morning the Americans left, and i was very sad, all day. partly because they were such great people and i made some wonderful friendships i hope will last. one of my most special friends is Julie who i met in 1997 on a youth exchange- wow, that's 9 years ago!! so i am really going to miss them. also, partly i was so sad because while they were here we shared a lot, and it was so refreshing and encouraging to be around folk who are so open and honest about their feelings, and struggles, and joys and challenges. including God, somehow, in most conversations was so natural, and inspiring.
real people, with real faith, real struggles and real hope.

as Scot's it can be easy to have a cynical nature when it comes to open and honest sharing- 'cheesy' being the key phrase, especially when its positive and involves talking about love, ' i love you man'!! but i think it's great. what better than to encourage and look for the best in others, to be open and honest about our feelings and the things we are finding hard, and to be willing to pray for each other, whenever and wherever.

i'm not saying we run around doing non-stop hugging, and welling up at the mere mention of our friends, but Jesus encourages us to love each other, because love comes from God, and to pray for each other and enjoy our relationships.
1st commandment: love God. 2nd commandment: love others. it's that simple.

so yes, off my soapbox, and back to the fact that although i cried spontaneously for most of the day, i am so grateful for having the chance to get to know, and work with such wonderful people. our last nite at Elliott's was fantastic- Patrick and Molly (Clover) did another beautiful set, i could easily listen to them all night! Moxie Bliss, unplugged and acoustic, were also once again brilliant- Suburban Angel will forever hold hilarious memories- Mockery Bliss forever!!

Mark and i also played a set, along with Christopher (our rocking drummer! thanx for 'I Will'!), which was SO much better than sunday's! i felt way more relaxed and confident, and was able to really enjoy it this time! now i'm tired and looking forward to some sleep before the build up of uni work hits and overwhelms me next week, which i fear is inevitable! time for some damage control me thinks...

slush puppy beer for me!

tonite i finally drank my Belgian raspberry beer! i brought it home in December, and had been saving it for a special occassion- i didn't really have one today, but it felt right to drink it! chris put it in the freezer to cool it, and it actually froze and went all icey, like a slush puppy! mmmm! it is 2.5%, just about right for me, i'm such a lightweight! so cheers, here's to fruity beer!

american musical madness!

wow, i am exhausted! and heading for bed soon, but due to threatening demands by 'anonymous' feel i really must blog at least once this week!
so, i am having a GREAT time just now! the visiting american's are wonderful, extremely cool people who have so much musical talent between them, and God is really doing exciting things here. i am learning so much, i dont have time to blog it all just now, and may need more time to process what God is saying and doing in my life. needless to say my freaking out phase re: my future has hopefully passed, and whilst i am still quite unclear i am trusting God, and learning many things alongside. including the guitar, which i am loving but it is killing my fingers! i can now play: C, G, D, A, Em, F7, G/B, and maybe others if i got those names wrong!!

since the Americans landed, a variety of fun and exciting things have been happening, including bass, guitar and drums workshops every afternoon, and gigs each nite in various pubs and bars around Glasgow, incl. Firewater, Stereo and Elliott's as the final one tomorrow -8pm if ur free! each nite has been better than the gig before, and Mark and I had the chance to play some of our songs aswell- i was so nervous having not performed in months! it went pretty well, i wasn't entirely happy with it but hey, life goes on! it was fun to be singing again, and we'll be doing another set at Elliott's with our band (members incl. Bruce almighty and Christopher, our American drum guru!).

the timing of this visit has been spot on. i'm excited to see what God has in store over the next few months. i feel lots of changes coming, along with some big and scary decisions to be made. shiver, shiver!!

too many thoughts to think

last week i wrote a bit about dreams and am now a bit more confused about my dreams and ambitions. it seems they're almost split into 2 camps:
what i should be hoping for, e.g a job i enjoy (in theory just around the corner); the chance to move out and get some space, to get married, etc.
what i would love to do without any strings attached, in my ideal world.
and it's not to say these don't overlap at all, but i'm coming to realise that as you get older there are certain expectations of you, that you even put on yourself, and these then limit the 'ideal world' dreams, without you even realising it. but then surely we have choices, to do whatever God has called us to do with our lives, and if we follow him then in theory these should come to pass... if our dreams and his dreams for us are the same. there's so much to think about...

like, i know i'v been training this past year to prepare me for a certain job (careers adviser), and when i'm on placement a huge part of me loves it and is itching to finish the course so i can actually do the work full-time. but another part of me, i think is not quite ready to make that step. some of my friends have already applied for jobs, but it seems a bit soon for me. part of me is scared that once i have 'the job' i'll get sucked into the routine of working life, of 9-5's and limited holidays, and mortgages, and settling down, when there's still so much i want to do and see in the world. i want to go and explore, and live in different cultures, and write music, and learn instruments, and meet people and have freedom, and to help others who need it in tangible ways. some people are cynical when i say i'm a student careers adviser, " what, you can't decide what job to do so you tell other people what they should do", or, " is that seriously a job"?, and although i know it can really help people significantly i'm sometimes struck by the many other, and seemingly more important problems affecting people, and thinking i should maybe be doing something more worthwhile. but then who can place value on helping others, and what is more or less important? and is that really what it's all about?

i think not. maybe it should be, i just don't know. because if it was then issues like poverty and famine would be top priorities for people and communities, and governments, and countries and nations. instead there's millions of starving people, but look, our weapons are bigger than yours. i know it's not that simple, nothing ever is, but i think it's important to think about.

i guess this is what lying in bed for 3 days does to you! i need to go do some more now, all my energy has been sucked into thinking this much...

thanks to Elisa for beautiful pics!

the American's have landed!

phew, almost 4 whole days without blogging- it's almost like being up north again! today is the 1st day since monday i'v not been throwing up, hurrah! managed to survive some plain old tea biscuits, which saw me thru some rough times with salmonella a couple years back! i can never quite enjoy them now...!

anyway, we have American's! 12 of them descended upon us today, completely jet-lagged after a delayed trip of about 16 hours! they're with us at the church til next friday, on a kind of pilot project for them. the main focus is music outreach, which began today despite their exhaustion and sleep deprivation! during each day they are running bass, guitar and drums workshops which kids from the local area have signed up for, aswell as 'coffee-houses' in the evenings, with some gig's thrown in for good measure! we have a lot of extremely talented musicians with us, including a band called Moxie Bliss from Minnesota- I'v only heard them on Myspace so far but they sound good!
the only thing lacking overall is perhaps the organisation but since i'v not been involved in it i cannot comment further! i know God will do exciting things thru this week- already we had almost 20 kids today, about half with no involvement in church, so i'm excited to see what will come of this visit! it's also awakened in me a desire to get back into music again. for the past few months i'v been focusing more on other things, including hearing lots of new music, and songwriting has been on the backburner, but i'm feeling inspired and that the timing is somehow right again. my voice is a little rusty, altho nothing a lot of singing can't fix! i'v also been learning guitar, which is SORE but fun, and i shall deem to perseve

dreams

a couple of weeks ago i heard kenny borthwick speak at a 'church without walls' conference. i really only went to get a free meal and see my dad and friends who were there for a few days, but i think God is clever, and had me there for other reasons. (quickly setting the scene... that day at work i was being taught about person-centred planning and used as the guinea pig. this involved thinking ahead, to what my dreams and aspirations and hopes are for the future, and how i could work toward achieving these)that nite Kenny spoke with passion, humour and clarity about the dreams God has given us, and about whether our church is built around 'filling the gaps' or 'living the dreams'. he shared so many amazing stories of how God has spoken to people, and given them dreams, and ambitions, which they have then made reality through trusting Him, and pursuing them in faith.what are your dreams?and what were the chances that i had spent the day considering this question and then beautifully challenged on them that very night? a friend who, at the time, knew little about me, had been praying and given a word for me from God. i keep it hidden in my heart, because i cant quite imagine it ever becoming a reality. but now i'm beginning to wonder what i could be missing doing for God by not pursuing this dream...

facts & questions

fact:
my throat is still sore and raw and i can't sing high notes, which is quite sad! and brutal for those who happen to hear me try.

fact:
i waitress at a restaurant where the staff don't get to keep any tips.
this is unfair and involves deceiving our customers, and i am uncomfortable doing that.

fact:
my brother is going to Hillsong College in Sydney.
although he doesn't leave til August, i am sad at this prospect, although excited for him.

fact:
boys are very different from girls.
in the obvious ways, but also in the way they think, reason, analyse, relate to each other, etc.

fact:
cherry cinnamon is the new peppermint

fact:
God is real. Jesus is His son. He died on a cross and came back to life. We don't have to be separated from God anymore. I wonder if people realised they were separated from God before Jesus came. And were they actually separated from Him, since there were clearly some Godly and righteous people who God looked upon favourably?

if the distinction in becoming a christian is believing Jesus is God's son, accepting Him into your life, asking for forgiveness and living your life with Him in you accordingly, then before Jesus came, how did anyone know whether they were 'safe' or not? and if there were so few righteous people then will heaven not be quite an empty place?

tonite dave challenged us to start your day with a moment or however long you wanted, with God. whether that means getting out of bed, staying in bed, in the shower, on the toilet, whatever, but to begin each new day, at whatever time it begins for you, by consciously being with God. and to read a verse or chapter or book (if ur mad keen and make the time!), and hide it in your heart, so it stays there and impacts your day. sometimes the most challenging challenges sound the easiest, but are actually the hardest.

today i heard it said that discipline is an accumulation of habits.
a thought can lead to an action. an action can lead to it being repeated. repeating an action can lead to a habit.

definition of habit:

regularly repeated behavior pattern: an action or pattern of behavior that is repeated so often that it becomes typical of somebody, although he or she may be unaware of it.

.

it's easy to form some habits, usually the 'bad' ones. it's difficult to break some habits, again usually the 'bad' ones. this leaves us in a bit of a pickle. i would like to form good habits, and become more disciplined. this covers a number of areas, including reading my bible, and praying. also in regularly practicing the guitar and keyboard if i ever want them to become second nature, which i do. and in relation to eating healthily and exercising regularly. and in consistently being studious and organised, and on time for things, and being nice and tidy, and being sensible with my money, or rather, lack of. these are all things i would like to improve, because i know that they are good and will benefit me, in so many ways.

so why can't i just do them?

a National Identity!

http://eclectech.co.uk/clarkeidcards.php

turn on your speakers, sit back, and be politically educated, and entertained, all in the same song!! if only all governement policy was introduced in this form!

Commonwealth bronze lay in my grasp!!

quite literally!!

today i bumped into my old school friend, Susan Hughes, on her way back from the airport!! having just returned from the Commonwealth Games where she won BRONZE for ladies singles badminton!
She was wearing her medal under her tracksuit (fair enough- she's back in Glasgow now and may get mugged!! ) but i got to see it- it's very shiny and weighs a lot!
so Congratulations Susan!!

Check out an article on her win here!

bowties, bunnies & broken creativeness!

well, i didn't quite start my new job on monday- have had torrential cold and throat infection, so figured it wasnt the most hygienic way to launch a new restaurant! so i start tomoro now instead! i have heard from a reliable source that they're trying to get us to wear black bowties with our white shirts, but apparently they make us look like playboy bunnies, so they are now hidden in the back of a cupboard!!

went back to uni today and it was great to see everyone! i'v been voted social secretary after asking in our course meeting if we have a grad ball, so now i'll have to organise one! hehe! altho there's only 18 of us, so it could be a little... lacking in numbers!

also, my little creative zen micro developed a faulty connection, and i was highly frustrated to find i cannot find my proof of purchase anywhere. however, i called them up, and they were very helpful and are sending me a replacement free of charge! thankyou Creative people! only problem is, before sending back my dodgy one i had to make sure all my music and files were saved on my computer, and i'm not entirely convinced it worked! most are there, so fingers crossed! it's an excellent mp3 player- i did lots of research before buying and, for me anyway, it's definitely the best!

today was also time to post on the lent blog- there's some really beautiful and thoughtful reflections on there, and it's a great way to stop and take time to ponder and pray. it can be easy to waste so much time on the Internet, and it's refreshing to read so many insights from a variety of people.

in the void

Lent. Easter. come and go each year. the point and purpose of which is missed by millions of people. including christians. including me.
too familiar. not familiar enough. never fully explained. ears closed to hear. hearts hardened. hearts searching, in all the wrong places.
in the midst of the world’s busiest financial district is the gaping hole of Ground Zero. in the midst of the traffic and noise; the rushing by of people late for meetings, and shoppers seeking to fill their lives through emptying their purses; and the tears of those mourning the loss… stands a cross.
the representation of life lost. the representation of sacrifice. the representation of what stood before evil intervened once more.
the cross…
the representation of life everlasting. the representation of sacrifice. the representation of forgiveness. the representation of hope… and new beginnings… and love.
at Ground Zero, there remains a void. against the skyline stands a cross…



“I have come that you may have life, in all its fullness” John 10:10

Listen, Listen

(for Jimmy!!!)

When you listen you affirm me
but your listening must be real
sensitive and serious
not looking busily around
not with a worried or distracted frown
not preparing what you are going to say next
but giving me your full attention

You are telling me I am a person of value
important and worth listening to
one with whom you will share yourself

I have ideas to share
feelings which I too often keep to myself
deep questions which struggle inside me for answers
I have hopes only tentatively acknowledged
which are not easy to share
and pain and guilt and fear I try to stifle

These are sensitive areas and a real part of me
but it takes courage to confide in another

I need to listen to if we are to become close
How can I tell you I understand?
I can show interest with my eyes or an occasional word
attuned to pick up not only spoken words
but also the glimmer of a smile
a look of pain, the hesitation, the struggle
which may suggest something as yet too deep for words

So let us take time together
respecting the others freedom
encouraging without hurrying
understanding that some things may never be brought to light
but others may emerge if given time

Each through this listening, enriches the other
with the priceless gift of intimacy.

By Keith Pearson

it's nice to be home!

i had a great time up North- i loved my work; met loads of wonderful people; did lots of walking, and learned so much (both from my placement, and living with jo!). i think however, that by the middle of week 3 the novelty was wearing off a bit, and i was beginning to miss things- especially people, but other things like my music (mp3 player goin on the blink, boo!), Glasgow, free unlimited internet access, singing, etc!!

i have a new job!

i start tonite working in a new Indian restaurant just down the road from my house! it all seems very unorganised, as it opens tonite, there's been no publicity and the signs aren't even changed, but it should be a laugh! there's 6 waiter/waitresses employed- me, my bro. Mark and my 3 friends Laura, Colleen and Sandy!! and 1 poor girl who none of us know! so tonite shall be interesting!!

it's nice to be home!

tired me

very quick blog update in the 5 mins i have left in my highly restricted internet time! week 3 has begun and i'm tired and a little run down. spent an amazing weekend in Skye-more about that later- but today is draining. did 9 pupil interviews, and found that active listening is exhausting. popped down to aviemore on the bus last nite to meet friends and dad for dinner at a church without walls conference. havent really been to church for a while, but God used last nite, well, most of yesterday actually, to speak to me. more on that later too. if inclined, please pray for energy levels and general stuff :)

weekend-ing the Invernessian way!!

week 2 off to a good start- have been interviewing in school all day today and am now getting to use their computers while jo's in a meeting! :) had such a fun weekend and sampled the invernessian nightlife at it's finest! if ever in nairn i'd recommend Latino's, a delicious mexican type restaurant with luvly decor, incl. the loo- very funky, yet homely!! then back to inverness to Hootananny's, where a great band were playing live, altho i didnt catch their names, and beards appeared to be the prominent fashion accessory of the night! saturday was spent relaxing, shopping and catching up with old friends which was just loverly! saturday night was... sumthin else!! due to my close friend's loathe of dancing, we never go- well, all this must now change! we must have danced from about 10 pm - 5am with minimal breaks and i LOVED it!! i must confess i did drink more than the usual couple, but then i was out for much longer, so really it all balances out! our nite began in Johnny Foxy's before moving onto Bar Bazza (free entry too- a nice change!) where we boogied away til about 2! bizzarrely we bumped into the depute head from a local school (giving nothing away!) who jo knew so ended up back at his til about 5am!! the very surreal part was monday morning when i was in the school and introduced to 'our depute, Mr.......'!!! and he was all like, 'oh hello, nice to meet u' , followed by a sneaky wink! so saturday night was great, altho i must have caught germs from fellow invernessian dance floor addicts, as i now have a lovely cough/ cold/ throat infection!!
off to parents night now, i wonder if i'll meet any more dancing teachers...!?!

week 1 done!

wow, i cant believe its friday and i have jst completed my 1st week on placement! it's going really well, i'm learning loads (the way everything works is so different up here!) and having lots of fun staying with jo! so far our extra-curricular activites have included: making photo boards for brownies; cooking interesting meals; hanging out with new people; shopping and then trying on all of Jo's wardrobe (i am finding my inner goth!); crying at moulin rouge (jst me, jo is tough!), and lots more! tonite we're goin out with sum people, and tomorrow, and sunday, and then karaoke nite on wednesday and a possible cocktail/ chocolate fondue party in the flat! it would be easy to forget i'm here to work, other than the fact im shattered and keep having to set my alarm for 7:30!

Invernessians are so lovely and friendly- i'v made friends with the doormen at work (bob 1 & bob 2), the man running the library, and when i was havin a picnic by the river, 3 people all said hello! and then today i choked on my apple so much that 2 folk came to check i could still breathe!! thanx!

I was thinking last nite how at home I never seem to have any time to relax, and watch TV/ read a book/ sleep, so am finding this very refreshing and a welcome break from the usual busy-ness of life! I never feel I can properly relax at home, either that I have to do something, or someone’s asking me to empty the dishwasher- it never feels right to do nothing! It’s nice to have space! I think I might like to live up here- everything’s so… compact- I’v been walking all over the place, something not so easily done at home- there’s nothing to really walk to! The pace of life seems more laid-back and friendly- even the ‘troubled’ kids I’ve met are lovely compared to some of the ones back in Glasgow! I miss people though- feel free to email or leave a hello on here! I’ve run out of free texts (nightmare!) but will hopefully be due more soon! Going home to choose our outfits now...!

I (heart) Death Cab for Cutie!!!

tonite at the barrowlands, they rocked!! the band were A-MA-ZING, kicking off with 2 of my favourites, Marching bands of Manhattan, and The New Year, ending with Transatlanticism and generally being awesome!! u couldnt hear some of the vocals too clearly (sound man should have sorted that!), but even when they played some of the older stuff that was unfamiliar it was great, if not a teeny bit boring since i couldnt sing along! all in all it was a great gig, the crowd were loving it, the lights were very multi-coloured and the dcfc have topped my chart!!!!

favourite song= v. hard to choose, but def. up there is 'I Will Follow You into the Dark' and 'Title and Registration'!! plus the ones mentioned above! so many to choose from, sigh...!

thanx to calamateur for taking most fabulous pics- it's nice to go with tall people!!

blog for lent!

tonite i feel a little sad- i just realised i'll be away from chris and all my family and friends for 3 whole weeks! kind of obvious, i know, but it just hit me that 3 weeks is quite a long time, and that i spend a huge amount of time with either chris, my family or my friends! i'll miss u guys!

on a less depressing note, the lent blog is now in full swing and it's excellent. i love that it's added to daily by different people- i could never quite get into the whole 'daily reading books' regime, despite selling many of them on a regular basis! but this is fresh and innovative and contributed to by real people having current reflections, not some guy in a dusty attic space reflecting for a whole year! ( not that i have anything against daily readings, i should really make daily bible reading a priority, its just sometimes they are so... planned!).

so check it out, or sign up for a space, i think there are still a couple free!

space, clouds and pretty clothes!

today is my 50th post, and in honour i shall do a small dance around the kitchen! i went onto msn myspace the other day, and discovered i had already made one in the summer and forgotten about it! i went on today, and discovered i also made one when i was 17 and had forgotten about that too! sign of ageing, perhaps (is that even how u spell age-ing?! weird!)
the other nite i also made a blog cloud:

isn't it pretty!
it's the main words used on my blog, and the bigger and bolder, the more popular they are!

i'm just finishing the last of my assignments for uni before placement! i shopped yesterday for 'placement clothes'! they are very nice! i also shopped the day before for placement clothes, so now i have lots to choose from! i love to shop :)

have a happy day!

p.s. update on gran- she is still in hospital and was operated on yesterday to get her gall bladder removed, and they may have to operate again as she has kidney stones (ugh) but generally she is doing quite well and enjoying all the nice flowers and new books!! get well soon gran!

where's your head at!?!

i think i may be slightly unfocused at the moment! today i freaked out after mistaking a piece of fluff for a giant (unmoving) spider; almost ate the sticker on my apple after biting into it; and walked into the men's toilet in east kilbride shopping centre!!!

took my last Careers class in Greenock Academy today- was better than i expected as 10 5th years actually chatted and discussed different points raised. i was trying to remember how i felt when i was at that stage, of not having a clue what to do, and being very naive about 'real-life' issues like finances and time management. i am now a little more clued up, but there is certainly room for development!!

i also booked my train tickets today, as i am off to sunny inverness on sunday for my 3 week placement! i'm looking forward to it, and the lovely jo is putting me up for my stay, so i have high expectations of wild nights out and... doing my own washing! not sure how much blogging will get done- i suspect one extreme of either very little due to lack of time/ internet access, or loads due to lots of spare time and only knowing 1 person to go for coffee with! dcfc gig this saturday- i'm so looking fwd to it!