What's Your Flavour?

Before i return to boring report writing i took a flavoursome personality test!!
What's Your Flavour?
These are my results! what's yours?!?!

Mmm ... peppermint! Crisp and refreshing, you're the flavour of refreshing chewing gum and elegant after-dinner mints. If you were a season, you'd be winter -- bracing and energising, but cosy, too. Your honesty and forthright personality make people feel like they've known you forever -- they can't help but be drawn to your sweet, fresh nature. Perhaps a little old-fashioned, and occasionally shy, you're generally happy and well liked. Traditional and invigorating, you're a truly tasty treat.

Haha, thank goodness for bored psychology graduates... why am i not in this line of work!?!?

tadpoles are a bit creepy...

i am tired. my course is nearing its end- only 6 weeks to go which in some ways seems ridiculously close, but the mountain of work due makes it seem like a long way away! i'v still not made any decisions about the summer, and am finding out more info at the mo! in relation to signs, i met my friend tonite and she was randomly wearing an Arizona sweatshirt! we fished in her pond and i caught 3 tadpoles on a teaspoon- i feel this deserves some sort of recognition! as i said earlier, teaspoons are small and tadpoles are wriggly!

this summer i have been invited to 4 weddings!! isn't that crazy!? and very nice! however, i will sadly have to restrict my outfit purchasing, and maybe make do with a new top that can be mixed and matched... we shall see!

i think it's funny how we so often live in a state of denial about things needing done, or dealt with- today in our counselling class our lecturer spoke about 6 faces we go thru, beginning with immobilisation, then into denial! i realised as she was speaking that i am totally in that place with regards to my research project, which is due in 2 weeks and giving me small panics every time it's mentioned! i finally faced up to reality and will have to start making phonecalls and arranging interviews tomorrow, including a focus group with some prisoners! i may be too late, but i'll put on my best phone voice and see what happens!! time for bed, i know it's relatively early for me but i'v been in a state of sleepiness since about 4 this afternoon! back to the Northern Lights- it's getting very exciting!!

wow, this is post 80!!

wow, THIS is post 80!! i must have a lot of really important things to say!! hmm...

so, tonite i finally finished 2 of the assignments for my course, with a grand word total of.... (dramatic drum rolls please!) 11032 words!! this is the most insane time of year re: sheer volume of uni work- i have another big one due next monday, a presentation to do this wednesday, and my large action research project for the 15th may, which sounds far away but really, really isn't! so i'm a little stressed! last week was so much fun, but as one of my friends pointed out, when i get involved with something i usually throw myself into it with great fervour, and manage to block out anything else!! thus resulting in the pendulum of denial and panic where i seem to be a regular guest! the upshot of that being, that, in theory, i should now throw myself into my uni work and let it consume me => extremely productive and accomplish lots!!

relatively interesting things from this week gone by...

• i quit my job at the indian! after the heated disagreement on thurs, i felt it best to part ways and not get drawn into deceiving customers and feeling morally corrupt! laura and i went together and he took it well, e.g. no yelling this time! i think we managed to make our point, in the most christian way- who knows!
• fri nite was a fun get together of loads of my friends who had all been super busy, so we had a party and it was a great laugh and chance to relax and catch up! congratulations to: craig for being accepted into teacher training; chris, for completing and handing in his dissertation; chris b for achieving his police diploma, and scott for getting thru a 3 month placement in aberdeen, away from his luvly fiance!
• one of my songs is being recorded!! 1 of my american friends, christopher, heard the tsunami song i wrote last year and has taken it back with him to USof A to record it onto his album which he is just starting on! and to play at gigs he's doin over the next month or 2!!!! i'm excited to hear how God will use it to reach people over there!
• myspace is taking over! i was so not into it at the start, but now i'v been converted! it's great- u can listen to music, blog, leave msg's for people, post photos, in a big giant community of all ur friends! i like to think blogging here is a little less exposed- i am happy in the land of pink!

with a spring in ur step, tralalala!

another luvly spring day! another chance to go to work and be helpful and friendly and cheerful! and not to get yelled at by my boss, as happened the other nite at my waitressing job! he wants us to basically lie to customers about the fact that we dont get to keep our tips, and as laura and i tried to explain we felt morally uncomfortable doing this, he told us if we dont like things his way we can get another job, "nobody's getting any of my tips"! so fairwell to the indian restaurant!

here's a picture i took of some beautiful spring flowers in edinburgh! have a happy day!

bizzy giraffes

help, i'v taken a mind blank and have no idea how to spell the word pronounced bizness!

is it:

• business
• buisness
• buisiness

the top one looks correct, but then surely that reads as busy-ness!?? the internet is no help, cos people spell words wrong on it, and they come up too...

the more i think about it, the stranger the word appears! it's like saying giraffe over and over, eventually it makes no sense as a word, and u wonder what a giraffe is anyway, and who made up such a ridiculous language!!!

seriously- look how weird a creature it is ! ->

sign or coincidence?

today my calendar had a picture of Arizona on it!

a sign or a coincidence?

and is there ever really such a thing as a coincidence ?

Northern Lights leading the way!

when we were up in Skye one of my life ambitions was fulfilled without me even trying! to see the Northern Lights, aka Aurora Borealis! when i was small i used to love reading 'Northern Lights' by Philip Pullman, i practically permanently had it out from the library (dont know why i didnt just get a copy but hey, i was young and poor!)! so yesterday chris gave me an exciting, sparkly wrapped present... any guesses what was inside!? wrong! not just 'Northern Lights' but the whole trilogy in one!! how exciting! but wait, it gets even better... inside the book was another present!!

2 tickets to the Law Society Grad Ball!!! hee! i have always wanted to go to a grad ball, but last year i didnt know anyone in my year, so i never went!! so in May i will be gettin dolled up in a hot new outfit, maybe even getting some new shoes, and going to the ball! phew, what an exciting gift! thanx chris!

plus, my quest for ultimate fitness and losing weight has not exactly gone to plan, in that i havent really started exercising yet, but i have managed to lose a stone and drop a dress size via healthy eating!! nice- here's to apples and banana's! and a ball gown in another size down!

how exciting!! (a nice long blog!)

well, i have officially stopped crying (nothing personal, i just felt it was time!) and am now very excited! the work that began last week is inspiring and real- real is the key phrase to describe the work God is doing. last week we took christian bands/ bands of christians to do gigs in a variety of bars in Glasgow, incl Firewater, Stereo and Elliott's. it was real. it wasn't intrusive evangelism; we weren't trying to get people to come into 'church' where things are unfamiliar and often not overtly friendly; we didn't preach or read scripture or proclaim the message of salvation from a pulpit. we played some gigs, shared our passion for music, and chatted to the punters.
and from that stemmed the opportunity to share our faith, and beliefs and love for God, who for many is as far from their minds as counting how many sheets of toilet paper are on a roll! traditional evangelism... thankfully not! but God used us to reach out to people and some of the conversations had were challenging, inspiring and beautiful. my dad had the opportunity to pray for a complete stranger in the middle of Glasgow city centre, on a thursday night, as bars were emptying and God was moving.

i have been challenged on my whole concept of 'mission work' and what it means. i think so often its easy to limit our ideas to working with children or in orphanages or building wells and houses in foreign countries. all extremely worthwhile work, which can considerably impact many, but not the only way. God has called us to 'go and make disciples of all nations'; to love Him and love others. let's think outside the box...

the nite i was challenged on my dreams and future, kenny borthwick set us an interesting notion. that instead of having churches and ministries where we focus on filling gaps, and finding people to do the job, often by squeezing them into a mold someone else has formed and left, we need to build churches and ministries based on people's gifts and dreams.

what are the things you are passionate about? what excites and motivates you? what are you gifted at doing?

for me it is music- singing, songwriting, learning.
also people, particularly those in their teens and 20's.
and communicating- writing, talking, listening, sharing.

so what is so weird about a missions trip that involves all of these things. of serving God here using these passions. is it because it sounds like too much fun? it doesnt sound dirty enough to be a proper mission trip? it involves everything i love doing... it just seems to be too... ideal. well why not. God has given us these passions and gifts and desires for a very good reason! because at the end of the day, it's all about Him! and all He has given and done for us. even when life seems unfair and unjust and dismal, and we question him, and doubt him and reject him, he still loves us. and has still given His life, so that we can have life! isn't that enough?

more than. yet how easy it is to complain and ignore him, and blame him when things are difficult and heartbreaking. He feels our pain, and knows our heartbreak, and has his own heart broken over and over as people turn away and reject him. but he still perseveres and will never give up on us. so the least i can do is live my life for him! and make use of what he has given me- really it would be rude not to!!

i have just been offered the opportunity to go to America this summer, and be involved in a missions trip that is based around music; people in their teens and 20's; building relationships, and doing outreach!!! it's all a bit new, but already i'm excited at the prospect! if u like, please pray I would be wise and listen to God's voice in this! it screams a huge YES, i just want to be 100% sure! i'm currently 98% there, but some more confirmation would be just peachy!

what's your dream?

a sad day today! :(

this morning the Americans left, and i was very sad, all day. partly because they were such great people and i made some wonderful friendships i hope will last. one of my most special friends is Julie who i met in 1997 on a youth exchange- wow, that's 9 years ago!! so i am really going to miss them. also, partly i was so sad because while they were here we shared a lot, and it was so refreshing and encouraging to be around folk who are so open and honest about their feelings, and struggles, and joys and challenges. including God, somehow, in most conversations was so natural, and inspiring.
real people, with real faith, real struggles and real hope.

as Scot's it can be easy to have a cynical nature when it comes to open and honest sharing- 'cheesy' being the key phrase, especially when its positive and involves talking about love, ' i love you man'!! but i think it's great. what better than to encourage and look for the best in others, to be open and honest about our feelings and the things we are finding hard, and to be willing to pray for each other, whenever and wherever.

i'm not saying we run around doing non-stop hugging, and welling up at the mere mention of our friends, but Jesus encourages us to love each other, because love comes from God, and to pray for each other and enjoy our relationships.
1st commandment: love God. 2nd commandment: love others. it's that simple.

so yes, off my soapbox, and back to the fact that although i cried spontaneously for most of the day, i am so grateful for having the chance to get to know, and work with such wonderful people. our last nite at Elliott's was fantastic- Patrick and Molly (Clover) did another beautiful set, i could easily listen to them all night! Moxie Bliss, unplugged and acoustic, were also once again brilliant- Suburban Angel will forever hold hilarious memories- Mockery Bliss forever!!

Mark and i also played a set, along with Christopher (our rocking drummer! thanx for 'I Will'!), which was SO much better than sunday's! i felt way more relaxed and confident, and was able to really enjoy it this time! now i'm tired and looking forward to some sleep before the build up of uni work hits and overwhelms me next week, which i fear is inevitable! time for some damage control me thinks...

slush puppy beer for me!

tonite i finally drank my Belgian raspberry beer! i brought it home in December, and had been saving it for a special occassion- i didn't really have one today, but it felt right to drink it! chris put it in the freezer to cool it, and it actually froze and went all icey, like a slush puppy! mmmm! it is 2.5%, just about right for me, i'm such a lightweight! so cheers, here's to fruity beer!

american musical madness!

wow, i am exhausted! and heading for bed soon, but due to threatening demands by 'anonymous' feel i really must blog at least once this week!
so, i am having a GREAT time just now! the visiting american's are wonderful, extremely cool people who have so much musical talent between them, and God is really doing exciting things here. i am learning so much, i dont have time to blog it all just now, and may need more time to process what God is saying and doing in my life. needless to say my freaking out phase re: my future has hopefully passed, and whilst i am still quite unclear i am trusting God, and learning many things alongside. including the guitar, which i am loving but it is killing my fingers! i can now play: C, G, D, A, Em, F7, G/B, and maybe others if i got those names wrong!!

since the Americans landed, a variety of fun and exciting things have been happening, including bass, guitar and drums workshops every afternoon, and gigs each nite in various pubs and bars around Glasgow, incl. Firewater, Stereo and Elliott's as the final one tomorrow -8pm if ur free! each nite has been better than the gig before, and Mark and I had the chance to play some of our songs aswell- i was so nervous having not performed in months! it went pretty well, i wasn't entirely happy with it but hey, life goes on! it was fun to be singing again, and we'll be doing another set at Elliott's with our band (members incl. Bruce almighty and Christopher, our American drum guru!).

the timing of this visit has been spot on. i'm excited to see what God has in store over the next few months. i feel lots of changes coming, along with some big and scary decisions to be made. shiver, shiver!!

too many thoughts to think

last week i wrote a bit about dreams and am now a bit more confused about my dreams and ambitions. it seems they're almost split into 2 camps:
what i should be hoping for, e.g a job i enjoy (in theory just around the corner); the chance to move out and get some space, to get married, etc.
what i would love to do without any strings attached, in my ideal world.
and it's not to say these don't overlap at all, but i'm coming to realise that as you get older there are certain expectations of you, that you even put on yourself, and these then limit the 'ideal world' dreams, without you even realising it. but then surely we have choices, to do whatever God has called us to do with our lives, and if we follow him then in theory these should come to pass... if our dreams and his dreams for us are the same. there's so much to think about...

like, i know i'v been training this past year to prepare me for a certain job (careers adviser), and when i'm on placement a huge part of me loves it and is itching to finish the course so i can actually do the work full-time. but another part of me, i think is not quite ready to make that step. some of my friends have already applied for jobs, but it seems a bit soon for me. part of me is scared that once i have 'the job' i'll get sucked into the routine of working life, of 9-5's and limited holidays, and mortgages, and settling down, when there's still so much i want to do and see in the world. i want to go and explore, and live in different cultures, and write music, and learn instruments, and meet people and have freedom, and to help others who need it in tangible ways. some people are cynical when i say i'm a student careers adviser, " what, you can't decide what job to do so you tell other people what they should do", or, " is that seriously a job"?, and although i know it can really help people significantly i'm sometimes struck by the many other, and seemingly more important problems affecting people, and thinking i should maybe be doing something more worthwhile. but then who can place value on helping others, and what is more or less important? and is that really what it's all about?

i think not. maybe it should be, i just don't know. because if it was then issues like poverty and famine would be top priorities for people and communities, and governments, and countries and nations. instead there's millions of starving people, but look, our weapons are bigger than yours. i know it's not that simple, nothing ever is, but i think it's important to think about.

i guess this is what lying in bed for 3 days does to you! i need to go do some more now, all my energy has been sucked into thinking this much...

thanks to Elisa for beautiful pics!

the American's have landed!

phew, almost 4 whole days without blogging- it's almost like being up north again! today is the 1st day since monday i'v not been throwing up, hurrah! managed to survive some plain old tea biscuits, which saw me thru some rough times with salmonella a couple years back! i can never quite enjoy them now...!

anyway, we have American's! 12 of them descended upon us today, completely jet-lagged after a delayed trip of about 16 hours! they're with us at the church til next friday, on a kind of pilot project for them. the main focus is music outreach, which began today despite their exhaustion and sleep deprivation! during each day they are running bass, guitar and drums workshops which kids from the local area have signed up for, aswell as 'coffee-houses' in the evenings, with some gig's thrown in for good measure! we have a lot of extremely talented musicians with us, including a band called Moxie Bliss from Minnesota- I'v only heard them on Myspace so far but they sound good!
the only thing lacking overall is perhaps the organisation but since i'v not been involved in it i cannot comment further! i know God will do exciting things thru this week- already we had almost 20 kids today, about half with no involvement in church, so i'm excited to see what will come of this visit! it's also awakened in me a desire to get back into music again. for the past few months i'v been focusing more on other things, including hearing lots of new music, and songwriting has been on the backburner, but i'm feeling inspired and that the timing is somehow right again. my voice is a little rusty, altho nothing a lot of singing can't fix! i'v also been learning guitar, which is SORE but fun, and i shall deem to perseve

dreams

a couple of weeks ago i heard kenny borthwick speak at a 'church without walls' conference. i really only went to get a free meal and see my dad and friends who were there for a few days, but i think God is clever, and had me there for other reasons. (quickly setting the scene... that day at work i was being taught about person-centred planning and used as the guinea pig. this involved thinking ahead, to what my dreams and aspirations and hopes are for the future, and how i could work toward achieving these)that nite Kenny spoke with passion, humour and clarity about the dreams God has given us, and about whether our church is built around 'filling the gaps' or 'living the dreams'. he shared so many amazing stories of how God has spoken to people, and given them dreams, and ambitions, which they have then made reality through trusting Him, and pursuing them in faith.what are your dreams?and what were the chances that i had spent the day considering this question and then beautifully challenged on them that very night? a friend who, at the time, knew little about me, had been praying and given a word for me from God. i keep it hidden in my heart, because i cant quite imagine it ever becoming a reality. but now i'm beginning to wonder what i could be missing doing for God by not pursuing this dream...

facts & questions

fact:
my throat is still sore and raw and i can't sing high notes, which is quite sad! and brutal for those who happen to hear me try.

fact:
i waitress at a restaurant where the staff don't get to keep any tips.
this is unfair and involves deceiving our customers, and i am uncomfortable doing that.

fact:
my brother is going to Hillsong College in Sydney.
although he doesn't leave til August, i am sad at this prospect, although excited for him.

fact:
boys are very different from girls.
in the obvious ways, but also in the way they think, reason, analyse, relate to each other, etc.

fact:
cherry cinnamon is the new peppermint

fact:
God is real. Jesus is His son. He died on a cross and came back to life. We don't have to be separated from God anymore. I wonder if people realised they were separated from God before Jesus came. And were they actually separated from Him, since there were clearly some Godly and righteous people who God looked upon favourably?

if the distinction in becoming a christian is believing Jesus is God's son, accepting Him into your life, asking for forgiveness and living your life with Him in you accordingly, then before Jesus came, how did anyone know whether they were 'safe' or not? and if there were so few righteous people then will heaven not be quite an empty place?

tonite dave challenged us to start your day with a moment or however long you wanted, with God. whether that means getting out of bed, staying in bed, in the shower, on the toilet, whatever, but to begin each new day, at whatever time it begins for you, by consciously being with God. and to read a verse or chapter or book (if ur mad keen and make the time!), and hide it in your heart, so it stays there and impacts your day. sometimes the most challenging challenges sound the easiest, but are actually the hardest.

today i heard it said that discipline is an accumulation of habits.
a thought can lead to an action. an action can lead to it being repeated. repeating an action can lead to a habit.

definition of habit:

regularly repeated behavior pattern: an action or pattern of behavior that is repeated so often that it becomes typical of somebody, although he or she may be unaware of it.

.

it's easy to form some habits, usually the 'bad' ones. it's difficult to break some habits, again usually the 'bad' ones. this leaves us in a bit of a pickle. i would like to form good habits, and become more disciplined. this covers a number of areas, including reading my bible, and praying. also in regularly practicing the guitar and keyboard if i ever want them to become second nature, which i do. and in relation to eating healthily and exercising regularly. and in consistently being studious and organised, and on time for things, and being nice and tidy, and being sensible with my money, or rather, lack of. these are all things i would like to improve, because i know that they are good and will benefit me, in so many ways.

so why can't i just do them?