bonus for being good?

i have just checked my bank balance and out of nowhere has appeared £270! how exciting! i'm expecting some money soon, but not that amount and not for another few days- hmm! won't rush out to buy new shoes just yet!

official word count 2149...

so i deserve a break! actually, if im being honest i'v been blog-reading for the past half hour anyway! does anyone else find these totally addictive!?

today has been good. better than yesterday. most of yesterday i cried and stayed in my pj's til well past 3. some days u just have to do that. i hadn't in a long time; it's funny how things change. a couple years back i spent most days doing that but i'm so glad God had more exciting plans for my life. i'm excited about this year. for some reason this new year feels different. i'v never felt that before, but inside me something has changed. my hopes seem more substantial; my dreams seem nearer achievement; i'v managed to let go of some wishful thinking and move on. almost. some things u just have to let go of, as much as u want to hang on, because it's hard to progress in life when ur clinging to the past.

looking ahead is the way forward...

a little way down memory lane

in our class yesterday we had to do role plays using a careers guidance tool to help people think about where their ideas of what they wanted to do came from and what some of their influences were. it was interesting hearing people's backgrounds and how their ideals and hopes were developed. i was being the 'client' and had to think back to all the different ideas i'd had when i was a kid- i had no idea i had so many!

my list looked a bit like this:



age 4-5 - a dancer
age 6-8 - a singer
age 8-10- a fashion designer
age 10- a radio DJ or a puppeteer!
a bit older than that- a journalist or author

i also went thru a phase of wanting to be a rugby player, but it didnt last long!

what did u want to do when u were younger? did u ever end up doing it?

i could do uni work or...?

well, another essay is due which means my blog has beckoned me to distract myself. i shall permit this for no more than 10 mins, then return to the world of careers guidance. my brother mark has been making me listen to Jeff Buckley, maybe u'v heard of him. his songs are so deep, quite morose but very multilayered. he has an unusual stlye that i like. i'v also been properly listening to The Arcade Fire , who are now demanding full command of my cd player! maybe i'm a bit behind every1 else, who discovered them months ago, but thats ok- i dont mind playing catch up!

happy coincidences..?

tonite i went to St Silas. i've only ever been to the cushion nite's before, so thought id pop over for a more regular service! i bravely went alone and was a bit apprehensive (i don't normally do things on my own but sometimes u just have to!) but it was great! once again it was so relevant to where i'm at just now, life at the moment is... bizarre in some ways, i'm thinking thru lots of things, which coincidentally keep popping out in the strangest of places! like a random customer who always comes in and will happily talk at u for 30 mins at a time came in the other day, said one (completely relevant and helpful) thing to me, and left again! and bits of books i'v been reading which i have stumbled across by chance, where it's as tho someone else has put my thoughts down on paper. and lines in songs i wouldn't normally listen to, but sum up exactly how i feel, and music where the sound itself says it all without the need for words.

and so once again tonite i realised how clever God is. and how much i don't believe in coincidences or chance.

watch your language..!

why we do we use such insular terminology when we chat about God/life/Christianity at church? i know some phrases summarise a concept or truth nicely, but people so easily jst throw them around without really thinking about what they mean- 'earning the right to share'; 'being saved'; 'doing the Kingdom work'! this might be ok within a 'church' environment when others generally get what u mean, but since most of our time is spent outwith this, with people who don't know the lingo, no wonder christians might find it challenging to explain their faith and beliefs to others!

as i was dusting the shelves of Wesley's yesterday i came across some interesting reads which i plan to delve into on my long and lonely bus rides to uni (i go back tomorrow!). They are:

The Naked Christian (Doug Brendel)

You're an Angel (Peter Neilsen & David Currie)

at the moment i'm reading Captivating (John & Stasi Eldridge), which i initially thought looked like a cheesy, feminine, soul-search. so far it's a little cheesy, and has had some very varied reviews, but on the whole i'm enjoyin it, and it has thrown up some interestin ideas that are making me think!

toast in the post...

my random friend craig spent today at work tryin to work out the best way to post toast! he broached the question with us tonite and we decided the best way would be in a plastic bag- it's the least messy, and probably surest way for ur toast to arrive at its destination unscathed! however, having been on the website and seen how fellow toast post-ers post their toast, perhaps some glue or marmalade would indeed do the trick...

http://www.toastinthepost.com/

the possibility of fire

this makes for interesting reading- i dont quite get him.

the possibility of fire

sometimes i wonder...

at the moment i know of 10 engaged couples- that is a lot. i just finished reading a great book, and the best character , Holly, falls in love with Tom, her upstairs neighbour, but thinks it'll never happen cos he has a girlfriend, and gets engaged. she suspects he likes her too but nothing ever properly happens btwn them, then she runs out of his engagement party and doesnt see him for like, 5 weeks. in the end he breaks off his engagement and has known he has loved her, almost since they met. so the girl gets the guy. Stella, the oldest sister falls in love too, but with a divorced guy who;s kids hate her. in the end she bonds with them, becomes pregnant, and they live happily ever after. the girl gets the guy. The other sister Tara has been 6 months married to Finn, and discovers he has an alcohol addiction. she cant cope with their failing marriage and sleeps with a guy from work; Finn leaves her and finally, he comes home, they forgive each other, and the girl gets the guy.

in books the girl always gets the guy. thats why people love to read novels- nice things happen, bad things happen, and then everything works out. because life isnt like that. people have to resort to fantasy and fiction to satisfy themselves and their own wishes. characters in books always forgive each other and they rarely portray more realistic occassions where someone is devastated forever, and even tho they appear happy, deep down they're always insecure or hurt or destroyed. its scary how much things we do and say can impact other people. like how saying yes or no to something can change everything forever. Sliding Doors shows both outcomes of the main character catching a train or not. if only we could do that and fast fwd real life, then rewind so that no-one else knew or would get hurt. then we could choose wisely, altho maybe we'd still choose a way that hurt someone less than it satisifed yourself. im not usually a 'what-if ' kinda person, but sometimes i wonder...

Beautiful wedding!

on October 21st, 2005, my wonderful friends Adam and Jill got married!! they just got their official photos back and i had to get this one of all of us, no-one even has their eyes shut, or is grinning like a monkey! it was such a great day, one of the best weddings i've been to! love it!

from <>: top row= alison, me, adam, jill (mrs neil to u and me!), suz and anne
bottom row=scott, chris, craig, graeme!