my wknd and some ponderments!

fun weekend had :) my uncle stu, (the forever wandering soul, who now lives in london now, but randomly pops up in the strangest of places!) called on friday to say him and his gf sally were comin to glasgow for wknd! after meetin them for a very rushed drink last nite, my dad and i took them to loch lomond this afternoon! i haven't seen him in 4 years, but he's still my favourite- we're surprisingly similar (altho his hair is much greyer and a little shorter!) and apparently my cousin, Cara is my double!

went to st silas again tonite on my own, i think im gettin very brave (see blog entry 'tonite i was scared... twice' for more examples of my braveness!!) but sat with a guy i'v got to know a bit, and then made many more friends after at the pub! church was excellent, based on James 2 v1-13- once again i came away with lots to mull over.

chris made an interesting point tonite, that we don't really appreciate what God's grace is, and if we did we'd be living very differently (kind of what i was thinkin about a few weeks ago). he gave the example of a charity he's been involved with, Hazel's footprints, and the way in which everyone involved has been highly motivated and inspired to make a difference to others after the life and death of Hazel, who was killed in a car accident last year.
they have been working tirelessly to raise awareness and funds for the charity and are fully committed to it, in honour of Hazel and all she meant to them.

as christians, how motivated and inspired are we to make a difference to others after the life and death of Jesus? do we work tirelessly to make others aware of all He has done? are we fully committed in all we do to make sure others know about the difference God makes to those who choose to follow Him? are we even allowing God to make our own lives any different?

Hazel's footprints will undoubtedly change people's lives; think of how much more God will do, in us and thru us, if we let Him! yeah!

one fine day...

well, i am pleased to report today was much more enjoyable, but anyone still feeling my pain could send chocolate, if you felt so inclined!!! got some meaty reports due in at uni soon so will most likely have blog entries by the dozen over the next few weeks! chris is going to st andrews tonite to stay with dave, and i'm a little jealous! I, on the other hand, get to spend time with some delighful 14 year olds, tidy my room, sort all my notes, and research- I am so enviable, I know. today one of my uni girls brought in home baking and we all indulged in delicious malteser cake- she's promised us shortbread next! I, however, will be declining due to my new quest for ultimate fitness and healthy living (which, by the way, is not quite going to plan yet- but i have planned it out now, and will begin properly next week!). i now must go and spend some time with neighbours and later on, some desperate housewives- i am just so giving to others!!!

a small rant

tonite i am tired and a little disheartened. i have spent the day with people who have actually moaned non-stop. this gets a little wearying. i have spent the day with people who have replaced ALL adjectives with swear words. this too gets a little wearying. i have spent the day with my friends, who i do love, but today have left me weary and not keen to rush on back for more chat. i'm not saying i never moan, or even never swear (altho if i do it is a rare occurrene!), just that being surrounded by negativity all day makes it hard to stay positive.

and there is nothing more frustrating than people who talk and ignore the lecturer, who is explaining an exercise we are about to do, then turn to moan that it wasn't explained properly and that this whole thing is ****** *****, and they don't get the point. uh, duh, listen to the explanation, stop moaning and complaining and stop asking ME to explain it all again to YOU!!! AAAAAARGH!

maybe wednesday will be better...

p.s. the name calling in class is increasing (added to 'freak 'is now 'little miss morals' and 'the too nice girl'!) it's like primary school all over again, although this time everyone's much older, it's much more affectionate, and without any chinese burns!

welcome to the world!

my friends have just had a baby!!! she is absolutely adorable, 2 days old and called Grace. i am still completely astounded at the whole birthing process! the way a pregnant woman has a tiny person being formed inside of her! we saw Grace tonight and i was looking at her little hands and fingernails - they are so teeny and beautiful!! this morning we were discussing creation, and i was suddenly hit with the fact that no two people have the same fingerprint! in the entire world! how can people doubt the existence, and genius, and creativeness of God?

an evening with Dar Williams

It's dark. The room is not quite full, 150 or so. There are 4 women, 4 guitars and an array of melodies. 4 distinct styles, although all encased under the umbrella of 'folk' music. It was so beautiful- to sit anonymously and be swept up into the 4 world's inviting us to share in their experiences and heartbreaks and notions. I was aware of the audience; of the ambience we shared and our individuality.

But for that one night we were a collective, each drawn from our own worlds into the fusion of melodies, sweetened by lyrics which were poignant, moving and real. It struck me as I sat in the dark, that despite the beauty and insight each artist displayed, they had each missed the crucial element that really makes life worth living. I came away a little wistful, a little thoughtful and a little more drawn to Dar.


l -->r: dave, debs, dar, naomi, me

oh yes, and i shall run

i have decided to run the women's 10k!
this year i am going to get fighting fit, lose some weight and enjoy a brand new healthy lifestyle! go me go! in saying that i have just indulged in some snacky cracky cheese heart crackers, but our cupboards are bare and desperate times...!

tonite i'm off to see Dar Williams, thanx to Dave introducing me to her this week! i love her! so i'm quite excited, and i also get to see Richard and Erin who i shared a flat with for Clan Gathering the past 2 summers! they are very cool, and Erin is my fellow-member of the 'telling the most boring stories club'! today has been a fun pyjama day which began by watching 'Sweet Sixteen', where spoilt american kids get their parents to spend outrageous amounts of money on their sweet 16th party! yesterday was fun too- our lecturer made a boring topic very interesting (in contrast to the day before, where the very interesting topic of psychology was made mind-numbingly dull, shudder) and i met friends for coffee at 5:30, 7:30 and 9:30 respectively! altho i don't drink coffee, just peppermint tea! i'm going to wear my new pink twirly skirt tonite- love it!

in honour of laura

this here blog is officially dedicated to laura, who is hurt she has not yet had a proper mention. my sincere apologies to u, dear lazza. u r a cool chic who also gave me most excellent christmas gifts worthy of mention.

but in fact, one of them has already been mentioned. and there's already a mention of u on here! and a photo! ... 2 in fact!! and you'v left a comment! what is this? are u trying to run my blog?? to take over and make it ur own?? if i were to use one of my new words right now i'd say i was umbrageous: 1. to feel offence or resentment! be warned!

"freedom is the oxygen of the soul..."

some nites, like tonite, i really wish i lived in a flat with all my studenty friends. to always know there's someone there u can hang out with, and have fun, or have deep late night chats. to live in total community with others, and all ur differences and quirks and irritations! i know some people might end up frustratin you til u want to bang ur head off a wall, but i'd love to get to that point and be totally free to do that if i wanted to!
sometimes we live our lives far too embedded in society and their expectations of what is normal and defined as good behaviour. just now i'm reading 'veronica decides to die', (by paulo coelho), where veronica is discovering the world inside the psychiatric hospital is much more liberating and free than the outside world. because inside there is no discipline, and people can do as they please and blame it on being 'mad'. it's a great book of discovery, of the different 'you's' that exist underneath the 'you' you project; it presents the challenge of being completely yourself, no apologies or masks to hide behind. although some things in our natures need constrained, depending on how much hurt it could cause. because if we all just did exactly as we desired the world would be in an even worse state than it is now. or would it..? i guess it depends on what we really desired to do. hmmm....

'Freedom is the oxygen of the soul.' ~Moshe Dayan

as i sit and cogitate!

oh my goodness! i have so much expendable energy right now! maybe i'l go a run or something, altho im not a big fan of the dark so possibly not! or perhaps i'l stick on my britney dvd and dance along to ' outrageous'!! if only dave were here! today i was havin lunch with chris, my dad and mark, and i said how i had started alphabetising my cd's (altho got bored and realised how monica that was!), and they all gave me these weird looks and started laughing, saying that alphabetise is just another word i'v made up!! i was so adamant that it was real, so fished out my handy collins dictionary, and there on page 21:

alphabetise: 1. to arrange in alphabetical order. 2. to express by or provide with an alphabet

so there! the dictionary is actually really interesting, i also learned some additional words to enhance my vocabulary:

cogitate; to think seriously and deeply about; to ponder; consider

so really this blog is a cogitation of my thoughts! look out for more new words, coming soon...!

we are all onions (go with the layers theme, not the making people cry!)

there is so much hidden in us that we are completely oblivious to and unaware of. things we haven't ever realised affect us; who we are as a person; why we behave in certain ways; the ways we respond and react to different triggers. the way we are so affected by some things and not others. the way we, sometimes vividly, remember a comment made by someone, and the effect that has had on who we are and how we live our lives. or when another person has some insights into who we are, when they see something in us that we thought we had well-hidden, or were even unaware of.

this is all a bit vague but i know what i mean. but then even how much i know is limited to my conscious thought. my subconscious may be directing my thoughts, protecting me with denial or reppression or displacement, and i don't even know it.

i am still reading Captivating, and one of the key topics it focuses on is beauty.
the truth that everyone is made beautiful, as we are made in God's image, and God is the epitomy of beauty and all it holds and represents. it's not a topic i'v ever given much thought to, but as i read something resonated in me and i knew exactly what the author was talking about- the disillusions we have and how they affect us. and it's not something i ever thought i had cause for concern on- in short, it's not something i thought was worth thinking about, not flippantly but in the sense of stopping to think about what i think beauty is and what it truly means.a while ago i wrote a song about being made in God's image, and some of the lyrics were:

He loves you as you are
and he made you in His image
your life's laid bare before His eyes
but He refuses to compromise
because He made you in His image.

the words are simple because it's simple really but i don't think we really get it. because if we did then i think we would all live and think completely differently. in fact, i think if we really 'got' who God is, like really truly believed what we say we believe, our lives would be so radically different.

think of the miracles, of the healings and prophecy, of lives completely transformed- of all God could actually accomplish in us and through us if we truly believed! this will be my goal.